You might be a Michigander...
If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.
If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.
If your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game.
If snow tires come standard on all your cars.
If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.
If at least 50% of your relatives were laid off by the auto industry.
If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
If you can identify an Ohio accent.
If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.
If you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.
If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.
If you point at the palm of your right or left hand when telling people where you grew up..
If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.
If someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor."
If "Down South" to you means Toledo.
If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus... or
If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.
If you have a favorite hockey team.
If traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.
If you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers."
If the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceaser's and Hungry Howie's.
If three out of four of your friends work for any of "The Big Three".
If a Big Mac is something you can drive across.
If you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.
If you had to get a passport to go to Ohio.
If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones... and can still use them!
If your kid's baseball or softball games have ever been snowed out.
If the trees in your backyard have spigots.
If you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.
If you drink "pop" and bake with "soda."
If you know what a pastie (or pasty) is.
If you drive 75 mph on the highway and pass on the right... when it's snowing.
If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.
If you know how to play Euchre.
If you classify your friends and relatives as "yoopers," "trolls," "Canadians," or "not from 'round here," (also classified as "Green Bay Fans," "Detroit Fans," "Toronto Fans," and "not from 'round here").
If you know at least 2 Yooper jokes (like the one about the 2 brothers from Ipsheming who run red lights).
If Fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.
If you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.
If you don't cross picket lines.
If you used to think Deer Season included an official school holiday... or
If November 15 is a paid holiday from work.
If you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities.
If you can go from Hell to Paradise and Climax all in one day.
If you're idea of reaching Climax is driving just past Kalamazoo.
If you know WHY Paradise is colder than Hell.
If you had Tornado Drills in elementary school. (Some of you older folks may even remember the fire escape slides!)
If you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."
If you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.
If you consider White Castle to be fine dining.
If your local PBS station offers a venison cookbook as a pledge gift.
If your union voted to work Christmas so you could take the first day of deer hunting season off.
If you believe that the only records worth buying are by Ted Nugent and Bob Seger.
If you not only recognize the names 'Bob Ufer' and 'Ernie Harwell,' but you would recognize the voices without hearing the names.
If a seven course meal means having a six pack and a bucket of smelt.
If the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.
If you consider a rusty pickup a "turn-on."
If you've ever gone "trolling for taillights."
If you laugh hysterically at the "suckers" during movies of the week about hurricanes.
If your idea of creative landscaping is putting an extra pair of pink flamingos next to your blue spruce.
If you think there should be a "Fudgies go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Clare.
If a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
If you eat muskrat on Fridays during Lent because it's "seafood."
If you go "Up North" for every possible holiday.
If you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts.
If you eat potato burgers in Elmira.
If you sing along with the YES MICHIGAN commercials.
If when you tell someone where you are from and they say, "I thought that was part of Canada."
If your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July.
If formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap.
If your children describe their summer vacation out of state as a "trip to Cedar Point."
If you have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.
If your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
If you know where the city of Ocqueoc is AND can pronounce it.
If you have more fishing poles than teeth.
If you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
If you know that there are two ways to spell Mackinaw/Mackinac... and know when to use them.
If you know that Ontonogan isn't a geometry term.
If you look forward to your retirement "Up North" rather than in Florida or Arizona.
If you know where the Cherry Capital of the World is.
If you get wet going too far left or right.
If you know that Saline isn't just a term for contact solution.
If your town has a blizzard AND a tornado in the same week.
If you want Toledo BACK.
If you know the dollar value of a grocery bag filled with empty pop cans.
If "thumb" is a geographical rather than an anatomical term.
If you expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
If your fishing shanty is better than your house.
If you have a bumper sticker that says "If they call it tourist season, what's the bag limit?"
If you bring in animal parts for show-and-tell.
If you can't decide whether the road you're driving on is paved or not.
If you hit a deer,and put it on your roof to take home and eat.
If you consider a meat grinder a major home appliance.
If you consider quality time with your Dad sitting in a shanty until an animal walks by.
If you leave your house in the morning with a sweater and a swimsuit.
If 35% of your friends work at a casino.
If your governor hates your school and your teachers.
If someone complains about the weather you say, "Just wait ten minutes, it'll change."
If you've hand picked blueberries the size of acorns.
If you can distinguish between a Yooper and Canadian accent.
If your idea of a traffic jam is 20 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel on the highway.
If your school classes were canceled because of cold.
If your school classes were canceled because of heat.
If you know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
If stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
If you end your sentences with a preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go I wanna go with."
If most of the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal OR have the word "Winter" in the name.
If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
If you think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
If you think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
If you think sexy lingerie is knee highs and a flannel shirt.
If you know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Hotter than Hell, and Winter again.
If your car is a Red Wing logo on wheels.
If you've never met any celebrities.
If you've seen all the biggest bands twenty years after they were popular.
If you measure distance in minutes.
If you know several people who have NOT hit a deer.
If you've ever had to switch from "heat"
to "A/C" in the same day.
If you see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
If you know more about wind chill factors and lake effect snow than you'd like to.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
If you know which leaves make good toilet paper.
If there are more shantys ON the lake in the winter than cabins around it.
If you were the one who turned out the lights when you moved south.
