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Author Topic: When one of your parents finds a new "friend"  (Read 903 times)

Offline Nilsen

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« on: June 04, 2006, 11:09:06 AM »
As some of you may remember, my mother died 1,5 years ago.

Now my dad has found a new "freind", and I have only just been told about it. I have suspected it for a couple of weeks but didnt want to ask.
Well now he has confirmed it, and he has found a widow that he enjoys spending time with.

One one hand im very happy that he has found someone he may spend his old age with and he has sertainly earned it after caring so much for my mother during their long marriage and her many years of sever illness.

On the other hand I must admit that it feels strange to get a new """""mother"""" and all the changes that will take place because of it. I was afraid that she may just be a gold digger, but she apparently has more stuff that my father (including an appartment in London and a timeshare in Spain that I would not mind using :D).

Have not yet met her, but on friday we leave for the summer house for a week of R&R, and she will be there so we can meet her. I hope she will make a good impression on us even if its not our business. Im afraid that if she already has started putting her "touch" on our summer house and the memmories I will get her stuck sideways from the start.


So..

Has anyone else been in a similar situation were one of your parents has gotten a new partner that you have to deal with and share my feelings on it.
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Offline FiLtH

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2006, 11:23:12 AM »
Sounds like you are afraid she will try to take the "position" of mother away from your mother. Why not cherish the memories you have, but try to be happy for your dad. Sounds like he's earned it.
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Offline Dago

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2006, 11:24:21 AM »
I went through similar back in the late 80s.  Mom died of cancer, couple years later Dad was getting married.   I was happy for him, because I felt he wasn't the type that wanted to come home to an empty house.  It has worked out well for him, he is happy and doesnt sit and brood about being alone.

Focus on what he needs, what will make him happy, and not how it effects you or makes you feel.  It is a big change to see your parent with someone else,  but for his benefit that most important thing you can do is make him comfortable.  It is an act of love on your part to do that, even if privately it bothers you.
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Offline Brenjen

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2006, 11:32:47 AM »
Just be an adult about it & try to see it from his pov. You can still love & miss your mother & accept this new companion of your fathers without replacing your feelings for your lost mom. We as humans have an enormous capacity for emotion; just try not to let yours run away with you....just keep things in perspective & you'll see. Afterall, this lady didn't cause what happened to your mother & she might be an ok gal, just give her a fair chance & then see what you think.
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Offline midnight Target

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2006, 11:33:30 AM »
My "wicked stepmother" (she calls herself that) is a wonderful person. When Mom died back in 1984 my Dad moved to Texas and started a new life. He always said to "never look back". His 1st marriage lasted 37 years, he was with his 2nd wife for 19 when he died last year. She kept him young and happy and active. I was glad he found her.
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Offline Nilsen

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2006, 11:43:39 AM »
I could tell it was not easy for him to tell me about her when he called me aside to have a conversation. I just gave him a hug and told him "i know, im happy for you" before he could say anything.

Im only human tho, and have to admit that i have mixed feelings even if i dont want to.

I just really hope I like her cause we will have to spend alot of time with her in the future if it works out. It will take a big load of my shoulders too if they do get together and I wont have to worry so much about him in the future. She can help look after him and take some of that off my shoulders.

He is 62 so for him to be alone for so many future years (hopfully) cant be easy. I will prolly kill her tho if she does anything to hurt him. He is prolly the nicest people on the planet and some have taken advantage of that in the past. He is also the only close famly I have left except for my wife and daughter. My aunt and cousins live in Italy so I almost never see them.
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Offline Hangtime

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2006, 11:50:44 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Nilsen
I could tell it was not easy for him to tell me about her when he called me aside to have a conversation. I just gave him a hug and told him "i know, im happy for you" before he could say anything.

Im only human tho, and have to admit that i have mixed feelings even if i dont want to.

I just really hope I like her cause we will have to spend alot of time with her in the future if it works out. It will take a big load of my shoulders too if they do get together and I wont have to worry so much about him in the future. She can help look after him and take some of that off my shoulders.

He is 62 so for him to be alone for so many future years (hopfully) cant be easy. I will prolly kill her tho if she does anything to hurt him. He is prolly the nicest people on the planet and some have taken advantage of that in the past. He is also the only close famly I have left except for my wife and daughter. My aunt and cousins live in Italy so I almost never see them.


don't sweat it Nils. If he's happy, that's all that should be important. If he wants you to be happy for him, don't let him down.
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Offline Hawklore

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2006, 04:02:52 PM »
I'd post this thread is worthless without pics..

But that'd just be wrong..
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Offline DREDIOCK

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2006, 10:09:48 AM »
There could be worse things in life then having two mothers.

I had 3 grandmothers. As a kid it worked out rather well for me. LOL

And she isnt your mother. She's a step mom.

Nobody can replace your mother and I doubt she would even try to.

Just be happy for your father he isnt spending the rest of his life alone and lonely.

Would your mom have wanted that? I doubt that too.

Just enjoy her and take solice in the fact that she makes your dad happy.
thats the important thing

Im sure that feeling of Strangeness will pass in time and she will eventually feel like just another member of the family.

And hey. if she has those kinda properties. She may be loaded to boot.
Milk her for all shes worth LOL
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Offline Eagler

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2006, 10:30:53 AM »
welcome your new "friend"

remember everything isn't about you .. this seems to be more about your dad's happiness

she isn't a step anything, you aren't a kid anymore or are you ..
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Offline rpm

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2006, 11:59:36 AM »
Nils, I've been in that situation. You have to be happy for your Dad, but you don't have to forget your Mom. Just address her by her first name and hope things work out for the best.

Unfortunately, my situation did not fare well. When my father died she showed her true colors and took all our family heirlooms and give them to her kids. She even sold my dad's house a few months after he died and used the money to buy a new one with her ex-husband. She did offer to sell it to me at twice the market value, tho.
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Offline xrtoronto

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #11 on: June 05, 2006, 01:46:13 PM »
My mom died when I was in high school. My dad remarried some tight-prettythang beyatch that our whole family didn't like. It would have taken a tractor to pull a needle out of her butt. So, my advice is:

If you don't like her...push her in front of a bus.:aok
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Offline RumbleB

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #12 on: June 05, 2006, 01:51:56 PM »
My dad works at a model agency nowadays and in turn he seems to date a bunch of different girls from there, some at the same time.. hmm. My parents have been seperated since I was a kid so it doesn't really bother me. It would probably bother me more if he didn't... or if he dated .. men.

Be glad ur dad isnt gay, that would be truly weird.
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Offline Nilsen

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2006, 02:53:13 AM »
Update:

We arrived yesterday and the woman seems layed back and nice. Not at all the rich ***** I was afraid of. Then I really should not have expected dad to find trash.

Got off on the wrong foot but that was my fault and I quickly apologised and corrected it. She made us all breakfast this a couple of hours ago and is reading the paper to Mia so they are off to a good start. :)

8 days of R&R is gonna be sweet
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Offline Lazerus

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When one of your parents finds a new "friend"
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2006, 03:27:03 AM »
Just remember that he loves your mom too. Let it be about him and where he is now.

He must have good taste, I'm sure you will all get along great.
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