A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just the first guy.
Bah-dum-crash!
A pirate walks into a bar, walks up to the counter and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "Did you know that you have a steering wheel down your pants". "Arrgh," the pirate replies "It's driving me nuts!!"
Finally...
A guy who's the line supervisor at a pickle factory comes home one night and tells his wife, "Honey, I need to tell you, every day at work I have a terrible urge to stick my noodle in the pickle slicer."
The wife replies, "Well, you need to see a psychiatrist!"
So the guy says, "No no no, just pretend I never said anything, I won't do it."
She agrees to never mention it again but about a week later the guy comes home two hours early and white as a sheet.
"What happened?!?!" the wife exclaims.
The guy says, "Remember when I told you about wanting to stick my dick in the pickle slicer? Well, today at lunch I snuck off and did it...."
"WHAT HAPPENED???"
"Well, the boss walked in and I got fired..."
"No, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?!"
"She got fired too..."