Your hair smells nice

[DREDIOCK]

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint
 
to
    a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to
write a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks,"
What's  sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

[BlueJ1]

[Toad]

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.

"Anywhere I go, she goes."

"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her."

So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
 
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.

''One thousand dollars for the food.''

''But I haven't touched the food."

''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."

''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''

''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."

''But I slept on the floor!''

''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
'
'You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''

''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''

''It was there. You should have!''

[nirvana]

Good times, good times.

[OOZ662]

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative, said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

[Toad]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Kate went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people, nearly 100 years old, having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago,  realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when  the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and  slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along."

[LePaul]

OMG that's great!

[culero]

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived
when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So,
he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and
everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure
than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that
he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to
disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still
without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with
his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works
fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"

"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release
automatically once it's collected two gallons."

[RedTop]

French Fighter Pilot Jaques Laroc was making out with a woman....

He grabs a bottle of red wine and pours some of it all over her face....He then begins to lick her face....

She says" Ohhh Jaques why do you pour the red wine all over my face"?

Jaques says "I am Jaques LaRoc the famous french fighter pilot and I love to lick the red wine from your sweet cheeks and rosey lips"

woman says" Ohhhh Jaques you are so romatic"

Jaques then takes a bottle of white wine and pours it all over her bare chest and begins to lick it off......

woman says "Ohhh Jaques why do you pour the white wine all over my chest"?

Jaques says "I am Jaques LaRoc the famous french fighter pilot and I love to lick the white wine form your beautiful chest".

The woman replies "Ohhh Jaques you are so romatic".

Jaques then takes some Cognac and pours it all over her female area....then lights it a fire....

The woman yells "Ohhh Jaques what are you doing down there"?

Jaques replies "I am Jaques Laroc the famous french fighter pilot...and when I go down...I go down in flames"

[joowenn]

Originally posted by DREDIOCK
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint
 
to
    a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to
write a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks,"
What's  sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

lololol, good midget joke. Anyways time for me to go and wax the kitchen floor with my arse.