Comic book guy: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote-unquote ultimate belt.
Salesman: I see, do you have a receipt, quote-unquote sir?
Comic book guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average trekker has no use for a medium size belt.
Salesman: Whoa, whoa, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan! You must be a devil with the ladies.
Comic book guy: Hey, I, uh, de-oh.....
Salesman: Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
Comic book guy: (Sighs) Very well. I must hurry back to my Comic Book Store where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them
Comic Book Guy: (While being pushed in a wheel barrow in line at the hospital) Ooohhh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
Homer: Welcome to the internet my friend, how may I help you?
Comic Book Store Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilo baud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line, will you be able to provide an ip router that's compatible with my token ring Ethernet LAN configuration?
(Homer just stares stupidly at Chubby for 10 seconds)
Homer: Can I have some money now?
Bart: Hi, I'd like to buy a copy of Bone Storm. Here's 99 cents.
Comic Book Guy: (Sighs) Allow me to summarize the proposed transaction. You wish to purchase bone storm for 99 cents, net profit to me...negative 59 dollars. Oh please take my 59 dollars, I don't want it, its yours. (Bart reaches for the money)
Comic Book Guy: Seeing as we are UN-familiar with sarcasm, I shall close the register at this point.
Comic Book Guy: (dramatically) Lucite...Hardening...Must end life in classic Lorne Green pose... from Battlestar Galactica (gets in his pose) Best... Death... Ever!!!
