Saintaw, I'm ver, very sorry!

[Ripsnort]

There was a little "incident" at your house today while you were gone  and I was house-sitting your flat.  Please allow me to explain:

I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen. The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran into the kitchen and checked everything out. By the time I got to the kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn't smell any smoke.

I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute. I knew that the type of smoke detector that you have is the type that took a few minutes to reset itself. I kept watching my movie , and about 10 minutes later I was really getting pissed off that the beeping continued. I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and went back to the movie.

The beeping continued.

Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could hold a charge after the batteries were removed.(that's about all I learned, and proper storage of rubbers)  About 20 minutes later, I was really getting pissed because I could still hear the beeping. And I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut the fu--ing speaker off the smoke
detector and left it sitting on the counter.

I sat back down and heard "beep".

Now I was fu--ing fuming. I listened to that fu--king "beep" about three more times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded the ever-loving crapt out of your fu--ing smoke detector on the counter (while I was
pounding I heard "beep"). It was really getting me mad. I sat back down and resumed the movie and sure enough "beep". I had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out(curious to see what the hell could still be running it) and cut all the little parts into pieces, and put half into a little plastic container and left half on the counter. I took half the parts over to the living room thinking if it beeps I know it's these, and half the parts I left on the counter knowing it would be them.

In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep. So I took them into the living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to myself "the fu--king part that beeps, will get smashed" Not three seconds later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the kitchen beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is possessed). I brought all the parts into the living room and laid them out on the coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one of them to beep so I could smash the crap out of it.

All of a sudden, I hear "beep", but it was coming from the kitchen. I walked out there, all freaked out. I just waited.. and waited.. it seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifying "beep" coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacket and it was your beeper that you had left at home by accident. All I could do was take my hammer and beat the ever-loving crap out of your beeper because I was the one who paged you. Sorry!

------------------
Ripsnort(-rip1-)
I./JG2~Richthofen~
=CO=Panzer Group Afrika-15th Panzer division
JG2 Communications Officer
Aces High Training Corps
CLICK>> JG2 "Richthofen"
CLICK>> 15th Panzer Division
   
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.  Remember, when
someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it
only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm, grasp the joystick button,
and shoot the sucker down!



[This message has been edited by Ripsnort (edited 05-12-2000).]

[Saintaw]

<pounds fist on the table (laughing) !!!> ROFLMAO ! Muuuuuuuuuaaaaahhhhh...I'm gonna take time recovering from this one !

LauGhInG SaW ....

[Ripsnort]

I just realized that  those  poor folks in Texas wouldn't understand  the english post above, So...I translated it for the Rednecks of the  South:

Thar was a li'l "incident" atchar house today while yo' were gone an' ah was house-sittin' yer flat. Please aller me t'explain: ah was watchin' T.V. an' ah heard this hyar beepin' gwine off in th' kitchen, as enny fool kin plainly see. Th' fust thin' ah thunk of was th' smoke detecko' gwine off so ah ran into th' kitchen an' checked ev'rythin' out. By th' time ah gotta th' kitchen, th' beepin' had stopped an' ah c'dn't smell enny smoke. ah went back t'watchin' mah movie an' ah
kepp hearin' a beep ev'ry minute. ah knowed thet th' type of smoke detecko' thet yo' haf is th' type thet took a few minutes t'reset itse'f. ah kepp watchin' mah movie , an' about 10 minutes later ah was pow'ful gittin' pissed as a weasel in a blender off thet th' beepin' corntinued, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah paused th' movie, scooted out t'th' kitchen, unhooked th' detecko', an' went back t'th' movie. Th' beepin' corntinued, cuss it all t' tarnation. Havin' a college degree
in eleckronics, ah knowed thet th' capacito's c'd hold a charge af'er the batteries were removed, cuss it all t' tarnation.(thass about all ah larned, an' right sto'age of rubbers) About 20 minutes later, ah was pow'ful gittin' pissed as a weasel in a blender on account o' ah c'd still hear th' beepin'. An' ah got so mad, ah went out an' grabbed a pair of wire cutters an' lop th' fu--in' speaker off th' smoke detecko' an' lef' it sittin' on th' counter. ah sat back down an' heard "beep". Now ah was fu--in' fumin'. ah lissened t'thet fu--kin' "beep" about three mo'e times, then ah finally got a
hammer an' poun'ed th' evah-lovin' crapp outcher fu--in' smoke detecko' on th' counter (while I was poun'in' ah heard "beep"). It was pow'ful gittin' me mad, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah sat back down an' resoomd th' movie an' sho'nuff inough "beep". ah had th' wire cutters in mah han' an' ah went out (curious t'see whut th' hell c'd still be runnin' it) an' lop all th' li'l parts into pieces, an' put ha'f into a li'l plastic corntainer an' lef' ha'f on th' counter. ah took ha'f th' parts on over t'th' livin' room reckonin' effluff'n it beeps ah knows it's these, an' ha'f th' parts ah lef' on th' counter knowin' it'd be them, dawgone it. In moments ah heard th' parts in th' kitchen beep. So ah took them into th' livin' room an' spread
them on th' table, starin' at them, sayin' t'mahse'f "th' fu--kin' part thet beeps, will git smashed" Not three seconds later, in th' kitchen beeped, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah was furious. I thunk t'mahse'f, (his smoke detecko' is postessed). ah brought all th' parts into th' livin' room an' laid them out on th' a six pack table. ah was starin' at them, jest waitin' fo' one of them t'beep so ah c'd smash th' crap outta it. All of a sudden, ah hear "beep", but it was a-comin' fum th' kitchen, as enny fool kin plainly see. ah walked out thar, all freaked out. I jest waited, cuss it all t' tarnation.. an' waited, cuss it all t' tarnation.. it seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later, ah
heard th' mahstifyin' "beep" a-comin' fum yer jacket. ah looked in th' jacket an' it was yer beeper thet yo' had lef' at home by accident. All ah c'd does was take mah hammer an' beat th' evah-lovin' crap outcher beeper on account o' ah was th' one who paged yo'. So'ry! Fry mah hide!


[This message has been edited by Ripsnort (edited 05-12-2000).]

[Ripsnort]

Jeez, I just realized  that our Scandinavian friends won't understand the english translation either so here it is for them:

Zeere-a ves a leettle-a "inceedent" et yuoor huoose-a tudey vheele-a yuoo vere-a gune-a und I ves huoose-a-seetting yuoor flet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Pleese-a elloo me-a tu ixpleeen: I ves vetcheeng T.F. und I heerd thees beepeeng gueeng ooffff in zee keetchee. Zee furst theeng I thuooght ooff ves zee smuke-a detectur gueeng ooffff su I run intu zee keetchee und checked iferytheeng oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur. By zee teeme-a I gut tu zee keetchee, zee beepeeng hed stupped und I cuooldn't smell uny smuke-a. I vent beck tu vetcheeng my mufeee-a und I kept heereeng a beep ifery meenoote-a. I knoo thet zee type-a ooff smuke-a detectur thet yuoo hefe-a is zee type-a thet tuuk a foo meenootes tu reset itselff. I kept vetcheeng my mufeee-a , und ebuoot 10 meenootes leter I ves reelly getteeng peessed ooffff thet zee beepeeng  bigtoeeenooed. Bork bork bork! I poosed zee mufeee-a, run oooot tu zee keetchee, unhuuked zee detectur, und vent beck tu zee mufeee-a. Zee beepeeng  bigtoeeenooed. Bork bork bork! Hefeeng a cullege-a degree-a in ilectruneecs, I knoo thet zee cepeceeturs cuoold huld a cherge-a effter zee bettereees vere-a remufed. Bork bork bork!(thet's ebuoot ell I leerned, und pruper sturege-a ooff roobbers) Ebuoot 20 meenootes leter, I ves reelly peessed becoose-a I cuoold steell heer zee beepeeng. Und I gut su med, I vent oooot und grebbed a peur ooff vure-a cootters und coot zee foo--ing speeker ooffff zee smuke-a detectur und lefft it seetting oon zee cuoonter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I set beck doon und heerd "beep". Noo I ves foo--ing foomeeng. I leestened tu thet foo--keeng "beep" ebuoot three-a mure-a teemes, zeen I feenelly gut a hemmer und puoonded zee ifer-lufeeng crept oooot ooff yuoor foo--ing smuke-a detectur oon zee cuoonter (vheele-a I ves puoondeeng I heerd "beep"). It ves reelly getteeng me-a med. Bork bork bork! I set beck doon und resoomed zee mufeee-a und soore-a inuoogh "beep". I hed zee vure-a cootters in my hund und I vent oooot(cooreeuoos tu see-a vhet zee hell cuoold steell be-a roonneeng it) und coot ell zee leettle-a perts intu peeeces, und poot helff intu a leettle-a plesteec  bigtoeeeener und lefft helff oon zee cuoonter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I tuuk helff zee perts oofer tu zee leefing ruum theenking iff it beeps I knoo it's zeese-a, und helff zee perts I lefft oon zee cuoonter knooeeng it vuoold be-a zeem. In muments I heerd zee perts in zee keetchee beep. Su I tuuk zeem intu zee leefing ruum und spreed zeem oon zee teble-a, stereeng et zeem, seyeeng tu myselff "zee foo--keeng pert thet beeps, veell get smeshed" Nut three-a secunds leter, zee perts I joost hed, noo oon zee cuoonter in zee keetchee beeped. Bork bork bork! I ves fooreeuoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I thuooght tu myselff, (hees smuke-a detectur is pussessed). I bruooght ell zee perts intu zee leefing ruum und leeed zeem oooot oon zee cuffffee-a teble-a. I ves stereeng et zeem, joost veeeting fur oone-a ooff zeem tu beep su I cuoold smesh zee crep oooot ooff it.
Um de hur de hur de hur. Ell ooff a sooddee, I heer "beep", boot it ves cumeeng frum zee keetchee. I velked oooot zeere-a, ell freeked oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur. I joost veeeted. Bork bork bork!. und veeeted. Bork bork bork!. it seemed leeke-a huoors boot ves oonly 30 secunds leter, I heerd zee mysteeffying "beep" cumeeng frum yuoor jecket.
Um de hur de hur de hur. I luuked in zee jecket und it ves yuoor beeper thet yuoo hed lefft et hume-a by ecceedent. Um de hur de hur de hur. Ell I cuoold du ves teke-a my hemmer und beet zee ifer-lufeeng crep oooot ooff yuoor beeper becoose-a I ves zee oone-a vhu peged yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Surry!

[StSanta]

ROFLMAO!

LOLOLOL to much rip!

Hahahah where the hell do you come up with this stuff...too damned good

<still laughing out loud>

My neighbors gotta think I'm crazy - not a sound coming from my little flat but me laughing.

But where's the BORK?


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StSanta
II/JG2
 

[This message has been edited by StSanta (edited 05-12-2000).]

[Staga]

LOL !

I guess I got to sweep that beer off from screen....

Perfect start to a perfect weekend  

(PS: StSanta: I'm going out for a couple days to practice my skills   )

Have a nice weekend all !

Staga

hmm.. Maybe I could make a "Tourney" to Sweden to get some Fish  

[This message has been edited by Staga (edited 05-12-2000).]

[Hangtime]

Hey Rip... I'm STILL laughin!

Yer obviously under-employed. Ain't we the lucky ones.

 

Hang

[StSanta]

LOL read it again, it only gets better.

A classic.

------------------
StSanta
II/JG2
 

[This message has been edited by StSanta (edited 05-12-2000).]

[Ripsnort]

 

Originally posted by Hangtime:
Yer obviously under-employed. Ain't we the lucky ones.
Hang

Luck is actually a perception.  Very slow today, as Fridays usually are (Damn engineers all skip out or work 4 x 10's)

So, I came up with a few things to do at the office to annoy people at work...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

3. Insist that your e-mail address be xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or
elvis-the-king@companyname.com

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN.'

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favours"

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13. Don't use any punctuation

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are.

16. Specify that your drive through order is "to go."

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22. Five days in advance tell your co-workers you can't attend the social event because you're not in the mood.

23. Pretend your phone is a CB when talking with clients.

[Saintaw]

LOL ! Someone has to point the Swedish version to CRABOFIX !!! He will die laughing !

[Lizard3]

Whats funny/sad is I've done #16 on a number of occasions...on accident.

[Beefcake]

<falls outta chair>

ROFLMFAO

Rip, that has gotta be the funniest darn thing I've read in awhile. Keep up the good works sir. <S>

Beefcake- The One Man Airforce for high

[PropNut]

ROFLMFAOKTSOOTC           Rip you have way too much time on yer hands  lol

[This message has been edited by PropNut (edited 05-12-2000).]

[Sunchaser]

Dammit Ripsnort, thanks for the Texas translation, I hadn't a clue when I read the first one!

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When did they put this thing in here and WTF is it for?

[JENG]

ROFLOL RIP!!!  

Thanks, I finaly got to clean my monitor  

BEE