Lving with PTSD

[Hawco]

First of all i'd like to apologize to the guys here for draggin up sh$t that buried a long time ago, As I type this my hands are all shaking and there's a huge number of butterflys in my stomach, Mymind is racing and I'm having trouble concentrating on the keyboard, thanks to all for contributing and I think tat if there's anyone of us gets into a hole here we should get  together and bail each other out.
I have surgey coming up where they are gonna transfer something from my good leg to the bad leg and mess round with the nevers in my left arm and leg to tryand jolt sommething into them, most of it is permanent damage but at least they are trying.
the bits ofmetal that are still stuck above my right eye are ineropable as it's too risky to try and messa round with them, so My right eye is still going to be severly impaired, they can't do nothing with the damaged eardrum either, hence why i have a habbit of looking like a guy that's been drinking scoth all day lol.
Just imgaine boys, If I was in A shape, then the Redbaron would well and truely be alive lol
Ona high right now  anyway, got a whopping 159 fighter perkies saved up, one day i might make to 200 or so and take to the skies in a 262, god i'd love that!
Swoop around at 20k doing 500mph, now that would be fun!

[Maverick]

Hawco,

No need to apologize. You needed to talk, to vent and ask about it. One of the biggest problems with this type of thing is the feeling that you are so absolutely alone in that little corner of hell. That feeling of being alone and no one knows or understands is what keeps you in that hole.

You just took a step out don't go back in. The hardest part was the venturing out and seeking soem assistance. Don't close it off now.

Nothing can take back the memories of both what did this and brought you the dreams as well. You don't have to let yourself live in them though. Get some help facing the problem and shrink it down to size. It's not what you did that's the problem, it's letting yourself let go of it so it no longer dominates your life that will make it better for you.

[nirvana]

I agree, no need to apologize.  If you need to let it go, then do it.  That's probably really dumb coming from a 17 year old but it's what I do.  The "social norms" that Morgan brought up need to be forgotten by all.

Thanks for your service, all of you.

[Goth]

Guys,

While I don't have it, I was a medic in the military in the 80's in a combat unit and dealt with 3 situations. First off I want to tell you that you, as you can guess, are not alone and it's not somehting abnormal about you.

Second, do NOT use mind altering chemicals. No drinking, no drugs, and you should probably quit smoking (I'm a smoker, I know that pain).

Third, find a vet group nearby. You would be amazed at how simply talking eases things. Talking on this board will help the group of you suffering, but human face to face contact is much better.

I wish you guys the best. When you notice the onset of your symptoms, stop and immediately deal with it.



Now, personal opinion without scientific basis. The mind can be trained, it's not easy. Seriously, try yoga. Getting into a daily habit and practice would help focus the mind.

I'm not belittling the things you've seen, done or experienced. Thhis is something you will live with forever. Oh and, I'm not Tom Cruise...if you need psych prescribed drugs to get you over the hump, USE EM, but correctly.

[Zerck4355]

This goes to every one of you guys in this fourm. i am a 18 year old bot. i say boy because i have never expericend any of what you guys are speaking of. now im not gonna pretend to know what your feeling. but before i read this fourm i didnt really think about every thing you guys have to live with. for doing a duty to our country and all of the people in it. like i said i am only a boy, because you are men. i respect every thing you guys have done. now i know this donst mean anything to your guys. im just another kid on the block. but reading this thread choked me up, bad. and i just wanted to say i appericate evry thing you guys have done for us your kids and grandkids. So like i said i am sorry for takin up space in witch i dont belong, But thank you every one of you.

[mandingo]

My hopes go out to you guys dealing with that baggage.  I tell you I had really bad anxiety in the past, days when I felt like I was just gonna snap.  Best help was talking to family, and excercise.  I didn't let myself think about it.  There were times when I'd do anything to take a pill for it, but I never did resort to meds, and I'm glad because after a year it finally started going away.  I still get weirded out at times, but now I know how to control it.

[Hawco]

Originally posted by AWMac
Amen wrag!

Took me along time to face it... always in denial. Still am at a point.  Night sweats and nightmares are the worse. Found it was best to stay drunk and medicated so I would'nt dream.  I don't socialize much except with close well known friends. Small circle. The sounds can bring up anxiety attacks, especially slicks. I avoid even today of going into anything that resembles a tunnel.

Hang in there Graham bro <<>>  give Jack my best.  I'll give ya a call soon and see how yer doing. It's been awhile huh?

I'm finally working again.

Mac

Thanks for the call tonight Fred I admit I couldn't stay long on the phone as I was  starting to choke up, Went for a sit at outside on the yard and just bailed my eyes out for a good 10  mins afterwards, If you or anyone else ever need a shoulder to then I'm here to bro, same for anyone  else.
Everyday I wake up and ask myself the same question " will my war ever end?"
This weekend I'm gonna enjoy myself no matter what, I owe  that to  my wife and to all my comrades that are in the stars at night.

[AWMac]

Graham I'm here if ya ever need an ear or a shoulder Bro.
It's near 12:00am here can't sleep...well no than anything won't sleep.
Dealing with crap again.
Got off the phone with you and was really choking hard.  watermelon happens but it's better than it was before.
Yeah I'm drinking...sometimes it's best to deal with it this way.
Just gotta remind myself that I'm not perfect...just numb.

Best to ya Bro, you have my number.  

pffft this took 30 minutes to type...

Mac

dammit

[Xargos]

Charlie Daniels Band
(Still in Saigon)



Got on a plane in 'Frisco
And got off in Vietnam
I walked into a different world
The past forever gone

I could have gone to Canada
Or I could have stayed in school
But I was brought up differently
I couldn't break the rules

Thirteen months and fifteen days
The last ones were the worst
One minute I'd kneel down and pray
And the next I'd stand and curse

No place to run to
Where I did not feel that war
When I got home I stayed alone
And checked behind each door

Cuz I'm still in Saigon
Still in Saigon
I am still in Saigon
In my mind

The ground at home was covered in snow
And I was covered in sweat
My younger brother calls me a killer
And my daddy calls me a vet

Everybody says I'm someone else
And I'm sick and there's no cure
Damned if I know who I am
There was only one place I was sure

When i was still in Saigon
Still in saigon
I am still in saigon
In my mind

Every summer when it rains
I smell the jungle, I hear the planes
I can't tell no one, I feel ashamed
Afraid some day I'll go insane

That's been ten long years ago
And time has gone on by
Now and then I catch myself
Eyes searching through the sky

All the sounds of long ago
Will be forever in my head
Mingled with the wounded cries
And the silence of the dead

'Cuz I'm still in Saigon
Still in Saigon
I am still in Saigon
In my mind

I am still in Saigon
I am still in Saigon
Yes, I'm still in Saigon
In my mind

[53gunner]

Well didnt expect so many here with it! Ok was a gunner on air force PAVELOWS (special ops helos) for 8 years, spent about 2 years on the various deserts, afghanistan, africa, iraq. last deployment was late 03, moved to Japan and in mid/late 05 lost my friggin mind (or at least thats how it felt). The way I felt it was like someone jumping infront of you and going "boo" then you look for the guy to kill him. Id basically feel like that all day. Had no idea what was going on just knew I was dwelling in the land of the "not quite right". It got so bad I went to a shrink, she told me I had the post (thats what me and the wife call it). So went through various drugs and found out Im lucky enough to be "complex", "cronic", and drug resistant. Let me tell you I was happy as a ****in clam. Getting out on a med now have no idea what Im gonna do and I have progressed to the point I am pissed off at everything all the time.  
That is the quick version anyway.
Basically AH is the one of the things that have worked for me so far. It occupies my mind so completely while Im playing it, it takes my mind off of the rest of the stuff. Sounds kinda pathetic I know but at least the wife likes it when I play, cant beat that.
What was/is really weird is that at one point I couldnt remember anything tell me something and 2 mins later it was gone. But I could remember what speeds to dive my cartoon airplanes at before compression and when flaps work. Go figure???
sorry for the long post, but hey.....Im nuts
Glenn
BTW anyone have any drug advice? They are thinking about putting me on nerotonin or some such stuff

[53gunner]

2- Threads should remain on topic, do not "hijack" topics.

[AWMac]

Suggest to your Dr.
Klonopin  (Clonazepam) for anxiety, panic disorder and insomnia.
Clonidine for high blood pressure.
Wellbutrin for depression.

Beware of some antidepressants out there. If they make you feel different in a bad way get off them immediately.

Good luck to you 53gunner.

Mac

[Ghosth]

First off for all you guys who served, a big THANK YOU!
Some of us do appreciate what you did for your country.

I'm really glad to see some of you guys connecting.

And to Hawco for finding the courage to get this monster out in the open.
WTG bro

[Mini D]

2- Threads should remain on topic, do not "hijack" topics.

[VOR]

2- Threads should remain on topic, do not "hijack" topics.