Author Topic: This just in (Read 473 times)

Airscrew · « **on:** March 15, 2007, 03:13:27 PM »

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast till the chores are done.

Well, he's a little ticked, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.

He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says,

"I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat
halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile says:

"Are you going to tell him, or should I?"__._,_.___

Masherbrum · « **Reply #1 on:** March 15, 2007, 03:24:15 PM »

Gunthr · « **Reply #2 on:** March 15, 2007, 03:28:17 PM »

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

megadud · « **Reply #3 on:** March 15, 2007, 04:58:24 PM »

A Louisiana State Trooper pulled a car over on US165 about 2 miles south of the Louisiana/Arkansas State line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Monroe to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late. The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.

He told the Trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have
anything to juggle. The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and
asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the Trooper got
3 Flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunken good old boy from Arkansas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well take my bellybutton to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

AWMac · « **Reply #4 on:** March 15, 2007, 05:04:21 PM »

Flint · « **Reply #5 on:** March 15, 2007, 05:09:17 PM »

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him,

"Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home."

Airscrew · « **Reply #6 on:** March 15, 2007, 07:01:43 PM »

Mega,

Flint

SirLoin · « **Reply #7 on:** March 15, 2007, 08:08:45 PM »

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to pour him 10 shots of vodka.

"I just came over from Greece and I want to celebrate my first blow-job in this great country!!" says the man.

The bartender pours him 10 shot glasses and puts them in a line on the bar counter...The man promptly downs them all and wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

"Here's one on the house" says the bartender,as he grabs a clean glass.

"Nevermind.." says the man..."If 10 shots of vodka doesn't get rid of the taste,one more ain''t gonna make a difference."

Airscrew · « **Reply #8 on:** March 16, 2007, 01:07:12 PM »

OOZ662 · « **Reply #9 on:** March 17, 2007, 02:21:34 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by SirLoin
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to pour him 10 shots of vodka.

"I just came over from Greece and I want to celebrate my first blow-job in this great country!!" says the man.

The bartender pours him 10 shot glasses and puts them in a line on the bar counter...The man promptly downs them all and wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

"Here's one on the house" says the bartender,as he grabs a clean glass.

"Nevermind.." says the man..."If 10 shots of vodka doesn't get rid of the taste,one more ain''t gonna make a difference."

DiabloTX · « **Reply #10 on:** March 17, 2007, 02:31:16 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by SirLoin
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to pour him 10 shots of vodka.

"I just came over from Greece and I want to celebrate my first blow-job in this great country!!" says the man.

The bartender pours him 10 shot glasses and puts them in a line on the bar counter...The man promptly downs them all and wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

"Here's one on the house" says the bartender,as he grabs a clean glass.

"Nevermind.." says the man..."If 10 shots of vodka doesn't get rid of the taste,one more ain''t gonna make a difference."

Please tell me that that isn't anecdotal.

rpm · « **Reply #11 on:** March 17, 2007, 03:12:22 AM »

Two sailors, Charlie and Tom, come into port after losing their shirt playing poker while underway. They have $5 between them but want to get drunk.

Tom: We can't get drunk on $5, but I got an idea. We take the money and buy a sausage. We'll go into a bar, run a tab and when it's time to pay I'll stick the sausage out my pants and you go down on it! They'll think we're a couple of perverts and throw us out.

Charlie: OK, that might work!

They go to the market, buy a sausage then head for the bars. They get to the first bar, get drunk and then pull the gag and it works like a charm. They go to the second, third and fourth bars and it still works.

Before they enter the fifth bar Charlie says: Hey buddy, this time why don't I hold the sausage and you pretend to be gay?

Tom: NO WAY!!

Charlie: Why not? I've done it all night!!

Tom: Because I got hungry walking to the first bar!