The Toilet Seat

[Terror]

Found this in some of my dad's old papers...  thought it was funny.   Have no idea who the author is.

Terror

 

             THE TOILET SEAT   

Mr. Kresge, I got complaint,
About one ten cent can of paint
My wife, she buy from your dam store,
And now by Christ, I'm good and sore.

You see, last week the spring she come
An everything,  he's on the bum.
Da wall, da floor, and da window too,
He's dirty like; no like new.

Now my wife, she's clean and neat,
So she buy paint for toilet seat.
In one whole week we watch with eye
But whoopee paint, he not get dry.

My wife ain't tall, she's kinda fat,
Now you should see just where she sat.
She's got ring around complete,
Where she sat down on toilet seat.

I say to her, "It serve you right,
To try and be so whoopee tight".
That ten cent paint, he's no damn good,
He won't dry on no damn wood.

My daughter too get ring around
When on toilet seat she sit down.
For one whole damn week by Christ we wait
And now we all got constipate.

By Christ, I don't know what to do,
You got to eat and some go through.
My wife she cry and cry and cry
But whoopee paint, she not get dry.

And she's got sister, Evangelous,
She lives all time in house with us.
Last night I'm look where she sit down
By Christ, she's so fat she almost round.

I'm try to wipe off, with turpentine,
She howl like wolf, she lose her mind.
I'm scare like hell for half a day,
Da skin come off but the paint she stay

I live long time, but never see,
A man w'st got so mad like me.
When I think about that paint,
By Christ, I'm almost faint

Now, Mr. Kresge, I ask you
What the hell we're gonna do
For how can house be nice and neat,
If paint won't dry on toilet seat?.

[Airscrew]

 Terror.   I did a quick search and found almost the same poem with some minor differences.  "ODE TO WOOLWORTH"  by Garrold E. Strong.

 Way back in the day before you young'ns got this here new fangled internet we used to have stuff like that all time, copied off from xerox machines (now days everybody calls them copiers)

here's the website from which it came...

http://www.geocities.com/rs080455/main.html

Apparently Mr. Strong wrote alot but never published...

April 1, 1946   Los Angeles, California

"ODE TO WOOLWORTH"
by Garrold E. Strong


  Mr. Woolworth, I got complaint
About one can of ten cent paint
My wife she buy from your damn store
And now, by gosh, I'm good and sore.
You see last week, the Spring, she come
And everything is on the bum
Da walls, da floors, and windows too
It's dirt like hell, Sacre Mon Dieu.

My wife, she's very clean and neat
So she buy paint for toilet seat
And one whole week we watch with eye
But gowdam paint, she no can dry.

Now, my wife ain't tall, she's kinda fat
And now you can see just where she sat
She got big ring around complete
Where she sat down on toilet seat

I say to her "It serve you right"
"You try to be so Gawdam tight
That ten cent paint, she ain't no good
She won't dry on no damn wood".

My daughter too get ring around
When on the seat she sit down.
Forone whole week, by gosh we wait,
And now we all get constipate.

My wife's got sister, her name Marie,
She live all time on house with me.
Last night I look where she sat down
By gosh, she too got ring around.

I try to wipe with turpintine.
She howl like wolf, she lose her mind.
I'm scared like hell for half a day.
The skin come off, the paint she stay.

I live long time and never see
A man what get so damn dam as me.
And when I think about the paint
I get so mad I almost faint.

So, Mr. Woolworth. I ask you.
What the hell we gonna do?
How can house be nice and neat,
When the paint don't dry on toilet seat.

[john9001]

classics.

sometime i wish to write like that.

 but my wife she no be fat.