And Here's Part2
"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm
new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS rep at
a Counter Terrorism Conference
"You can get drunk enough to do most anything, but you have to realize
going in that there are some things that, once you sober up and realize what you
have done, will lead you to either grab a 12-gauge or stay drunk for the rest of your life."
"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks."
Lt Col (USSOCOM), excerpts
"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."
"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words:
distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)
"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR
(CENTCOM)
"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity."
LTC (CENTCOM)
"I hear so much about Ft. Bragg. Where is it?" "It's in the western part
of southeastern North Carolina." LCDR and CPT (EUCOM)
"I've become the master of nodding my head and acting like I give a sh_t,
and then instantly forgetting what the hell a person was saying the moment they walk away." Flag-level Executive prettythangistant
"Mark my words, this internet thing is gonna catch on someday."
LTC (EUCOM)
"You're not a loser. You're just not my kind of winner..." GS-14 (OSD)
"He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it." GS-12 (DOS)
"If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter brief..." Maj (EUCOM)
"I work at EUCOM. I know bullsh_t when I see it." LTC (EUCOM) in a game of
office poker
"You only know as much as you don't know." GO (EUCOM)
"I'm just livin' the dream..." EUCOM staffer response to the question,
"How's it going?" or, "What are you doing?"
"I'm just ranting...I have nothing useful to say." LTC (EUCOM)
"Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end all the confusion?"
GS-14 (EUCOM)
"Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early curfew and women that
wear face coverings for a very good reason, Kabul is really a wonderful
place to visit." LTC (CENTCOM)
"It was seen, ...visually." LTC (EUCOM) during a Reconnaissance briefing
"Let me tell you about the benefits of being on a staff..." "This should
be a short conversation." LtCol to Lt Col (EUCOM)
"Hello gentlemen. Are we in today or are you just ignoring my request?"
GS-15 (DSCA) in an email to EUCOM staffers
"After seeing the way this place works, I bet that Mickey Mouse wears a
EUCOM watch." Maj (EUCOM)
"Your Key Issues are so 2003..." CPT (CJTF-180) in January 2004
"USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend to maintain their
presence in Qatar "until the sun runs out of hydrogen," thus committing
the US to the longest duration deployment in human history.
When asked how they planned to maintain the presence in Qatar for a
projected length of 4 to 5 billion years, planners said "we're working on
a plan for that.
We don't have one yet, but not having a plan or an intelligent reason to
do something has never been much of an impediment for us in the past; we
don't foresee it being a big show stopper for us in the future either."
Among the options that were being discussed was an innovative program to
"interbreed" the deployed personnel. "We are going to actively encourage
the military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise children that will
replace them in the future. Sure, it may be a little hard on some of our female
service members, since there currently are about 8 men for every woman
over there, but we expect that to be OBE as the sex ratios will even out in a
generation or two.
In any case the key to the plan is to make these assignments not only
permanent, but inheritable and hereditary. For example, if you currently
work the JOC weather desk, so will your children, and their children, and
their children, ad infinitum.
We like to think of it as job security." CPT (CJTF-180)
"That's FUBIJAR." COL (CENTCOM), Fu--ed Up, But I'm Just a Reservist...
"I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am captured and fall
into enemy hands!" GO/FO (CENTCOM)
"Does anybody around here remember if I did anything this year?" LTC
(EUCOM) preparing his Officer Evaluation Report support form
"I'd be happy to classify this document for you. Could you tell me its
classification?" GS11 (EUCOM) in an email from the Foreign Disclosure office
"Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly what you're gonna
get..." LTC (EUCOM) describing the way Army policy is formulated
"The only thing that sucks worse than being me is being you..." LTC
(EUCOM)
"I have to know what I don't know..." Col (CENTCOM) during a shift
changeover briefing
"No. Now I'm simply confused at a higher level..." Foreign GO/FO when
asked if he had any questions following a transformation brief at JFCOM
"I'm planning on taking the weekend off...notionally..." LT (EUCOM) midway
through a huge, simulated command exercise
"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz
sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today." Maj (EUCOM) after listening to a JFCOM
trainer/mentor
"We've got to start collaborating between the collaboration systems."
"Our plan for the Olympics is to take all the ops and put it in the special
room we have developed for ops." GO/FO (EUCOM)
"Did you hear that NPR is canning Bob Edwards?" "Why? Did they catch him
standing up for the National Anthem or something??" COL to CDR (EUCOM)
"Not to be uncooperative, but we're just being uncooperative." CDR (EUCOM)
in an email response to a request for information
"He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of terminology." Lt Col
JFCOM describing the Jiffiecom alpha male
"Transformation has long been the buzzword for those that are
dispossessed, dispirited and disillusioned..." Chaplain (EUCOM), allegedly.
"There are more disconnects on this issue than CENTCOM has staff officers."
GO/FO
(EUCOM)
