Author Topic: A lil perspective of life today.... (Read 421 times)

RedTop · « **on:** September 26, 2007, 04:56:47 PM »

As many of you know I lost my Mom to Cancer. Monday was the 2 year anniversery of her passing. I was out of town with some friends playing in a Golf Tournament. As the day proceeded and as I laughed and joked with everyone , I felt my mind drift over and over to my Mom. I miss her very much. Somedays more than others and I think of her every day.

Today I got up and decided that I would go play some golf and get out of the house. As I was headed to the golf course which is only 10 minutes from my home , I really couldn't stop thinking about my Mom and my Wife. My wife has been having some issues as well. Her folks aren't doing so well and with the house thing and work and stuff she has been stressed.

Monday one of the people I played with is one of hers and my really good friends. Her and Her husband. SHe is a Hospice nurse who had to basically get out of it because of the stress and stuff she was going thru. Her and my wife have a close bond both being care givers as my wiofe used to be a paramedic. Becky , (our friend) is going back to work and Deb is going to be doing some volunteer work for the hospice place becky works for. I'm a bit worried about ot but it will be what it will be.

I tell you all of this to get to this.....

As I get to the course today I get paired with 3 guys. 1 of which works there as a starter and the other 2 used to. 1 of the guys has stage 4 cancer. It's in his head and neck and has now traveled through his whole body. The other one , found out yesterday that he has Lung Cancer. Needless to say it was a very someber round of golf. He asked me many questions as well as his friend who is dieing from cancer. The one question that he asked as we were standing on one of the greens was , "Whats it like at the end?" I'm not ashamed to admit that I had a huge lump in my throat and took a few seconds to get straight to answer him.

What I told him was that the end should not be in his mind now but look towards today. I told him to make the best of the bad days that will come and make the good days the best he could. I was taken back to many memories of Doctors visits and long talks with Mom. As we shared the time I could feel Mom with me and guiding me through the answers to his questions. He's a Vietnam Vet. He said "I have no one to fight and that seems to be hard to take. Fighting someone you can see is easier." I told him that he only has himself to fight. HE is in control and He and ONLY he can make the best of what ever they tell him as time goes.

Hearing all this today and revisiting all that my wife and I along with family dealt with 2 years ago , just recommited me to being less of a complainer when things don't go just right. Life is so precious and each of us shouldn't take friends , family and spouses for granted ever.

You married guys , kiss your wives tonight and tell them just how much you love them. You younger guys tell your folks that you love them and give them a thank you for providing the best they can. You fathers give those kiddos a lil extra attention so they know even more how much you care and love them.

Life is short for some and long for others. Please , make all you can out of every bit of it and remember , ther's probably someone worst off than you.

Peace

Jeff

Maverick · « **Reply #1 on:** September 26, 2007, 05:15:49 PM »

Jeff,

Having a wake up call is great. I agree that you can either live or be afraid of living.

Cancer is the reason we have been on the road for over 3 years now instead of starting out next year as we originally planned. You can't wait for someday to get here for your dreams. Act on them while you can as tomorrow may not arrive at all.

gpwurzel · « **Reply #2 on:** September 26, 2007, 05:43:57 PM »

Jeff, bit of a poignant post fella, but thank you for sharing, and reminding us all life needs living and not missing....

~~Wurzel~~

RedTop · « **Reply #3 on:** September 26, 2007, 06:01:07 PM »

Wow Mav...Though I'm not sure what the circunstances are in your life tat involves the "C" , let me say good on you and your family for living life for the day. It's so easy and I am guilty of it , to just go through and never stop to take a moment and really reflect on just what it is we have.

~~Sir.....All the best for you and yours~~

bj229r · « **Reply #4 on:** September 26, 2007, 07:14:51 PM »

My wife got cancer 2 1/2 years ago...was never so scared in all my life...we went 2 MONTHS without knowing whether she was terminal or not....I am never away from here very long any more

Dichotomy · « **Reply #5 on:** September 26, 2007, 07:23:50 PM »

Thanks Jeff,

I think sometimes we all need a wakeup call. Mav I infer by your post that you're an RV'r? My folks are too. If you're ever in central TX let me know. They're kind of weird but you probably already figured that out what with breeding and all. And if you're ever in DFW.. pm me

AKIron · « **Reply #6 on:** September 26, 2007, 07:40:51 PM »

We often don't realize how much someone means to us until they are gone. I guess that's human nature. I too have lost family more dear to me than my own life as have most or many of us I suspect. I really don't know how folks who have no belief in more than this life can get by.

Maverick · « **Reply #7 on:** September 26, 2007, 07:57:15 PM »

Jeff and Dichotomy,

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999 about a year after we were married. The cancer had already metastasized and started spreading. By the summer of 2000 she was finishing up with chemo, radiation and ready for reconstructive surgery. Because she needed me home to care for her I retired from the Army Reserves. I couldn't justify being away from her for 6+ weeks when we had no one else to care for her.

We made the decision to retire and get out at the earliest time possible. She lost a year from work due to treatment and had to make it back up. She got a partial pension approved in 2004 and we left. We would have quite a bit more money if we could have waited until 2008, but there was and is no guarantee that she would be here then.

You simply cannot wait for your dreams sometime, you have to act on them now or lose them forever. Life is temporary, it's how you decide to fill it that makes living it worthwhile.

Dichotomy, we just left the San Antonio area 4 days ago. We were there for 2 months. We'll be back, we have grand kids there. I figure sometime around Feb. or March.

RedTop · « **Reply #8 on:** September 26, 2007, 08:08:10 PM »

Mav,

1st off when you come back let me know as well. I live just North of San Antonio and would love to come down and buy you all a margaritta.

My wife had cancer not long before we met. SHe was lucky and they caught it in time. We have had wonderful years together. My Mom had it in 93 and when it came back a few years ago it was metastizied. No hope. But she lived with my wife and I for 16 months in our home until she went to heaven in 2005. WIth me holding her hand as she took her last breath.

It was a time I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But it was also I time I cant give thanks for ofthen enough. To have the time to say goodbye. To see your family rally and come together in the worst possible circumstances is something I know for sure my Mom was proud of.

Your wife is lucky to have you and you to have her to share precious time with. I salute you and wish you both all the best.

Take care Mav and Mrs. Mav.

Hap · « **Reply #9 on:** September 26, 2007, 08:12:27 PM »

Jeff, thanks for your thoughtful and thought provoking post. My Mom died a bit over 3 years ago, and I was with her when she drew her last breath.

How will the next years I have left count? How will they make a difference?

Those questions and the answers guide me now.

They did not before.

Best Wishes,

Richard

BigGun · « **Reply #10 on:** September 27, 2007, 11:12:42 AM »

My mother went through battles with breast cancer for 8 yrs. Passed almost 5 years ago. Definitely is a troubling thing to experience, but in a weird way it really turned into a blessing for me & my family, and my siblings and their families. I think everyone gained a different perspective on live and we spend just a little more time focusing on things that are important. Not only did it change my perspective, but it has changed we are raising our kids. Really don't sweat the small things in life.

Ok, now you gave me the itch, time to go hit the white ball around.

SteveBailey · « **Reply #11 on:** September 27, 2007, 11:24:09 AM »

I own a non-emergency patient transport company. My biggest client (95%), is a hospice. I see what cancer does to people every day. I've had people die in my ambulance, in my arms, and on my stretcher. It can be heartbreaking, especially when a young person is the patient.

I have more contact with the patient and their family, often, than their Dr's do. Typically, I am one of the last people the patient will interact with. I could look at my job as stressful and depressing. Instead, I see it as an opportunity to serve a patient and family who are in the most stressful of situations. You would be touched and amazed at the outpouring of warmth and gratitude these people display when they see a kind and caring touch when they were expecting indifference.

Serving in hospice can be stressful but one should consider the opportunity before him/her to make a small but very timely and significant difference in a person's life. Also, as trivial as it may seem to the caregiver, a family will never forget that you treated their loved one w/ genuine concern and compassion.

evenhaim · « **Reply #12 on:** September 27, 2007, 12:41:40 PM »

I have too lost many a family memeber to cancer, it is the worst thing imaginable to watch the stages progress, the pain, the lack of desire to live anymore, its extremly sad and sadly ganetically strong on my fathers side. He has lost about what 4/7 of his uncles do to cancer. It is a wake up call and dont take it to bad. You just gotta remember to never forsake anyone or anything. And appreiciate what you have, what you were blessed with.

Respectfully yours,
Adam aka freezman