JB, pick a caliber that you like-this may take some time (and money, of course, but well spent in this case) at a range that rents' out pistols. At my local range, for example, they have just about every model of Glock available for rent; You can test caliber by renting identical pistols, in different calibers. Keep in mind, some revolvers, like quite a few .357's, for example, will reliably chamber the cheaper .38 Special round, as well, if you like a lot of range time. I believe (Lasz or someone, correct me if I'm wrong) that a Model 29 S&W .44 Mag can plink all day long on lower powered (and a little less brutal to shoot) .44 Special's.
Once you get your round figured out, you have a good basis as to your weapon purchase, since you've narrowed it down to caliber. Now, if you go 9mm, you've still got quite a few choices. For other Autoloader fodder, the field shrinks' somewhat. In revolvers, There will be quite a few .357 offerings, but starts to shrink up in the bigger calibers. I will say one great thing about revolvers: Even the large-frame Smith's can have grips fitted to be comfortable in small hands. Autoloaders are restricted by Mag size, so if you're looking at something with a high-cap double stack mag, Even a 9mm starts' to get a little fat in your hand. This is one of the things' that makes finding the right caliber in the right gun for you kinda tricky.
There's a few other little factors to consider, but the one that will also be at the top of the list is: Price ($$$!!!)
This tends' to narrow the field more than most other factors. I rented a Sprinfield V-16 at my local range/shop. It's a long barreled/Slide 1911 job, called the V-16 because of the two rows' of 8 Magna-ports in the barrel, with matching slots in the slide. I shot one hundred rounds' through it, realized that it was the most accurate and easy shooting 1911 I'd ever picked up, and when I took it back up to the rental desk, asked the guy behind the counter what they were asking for one. $1200+tax, shipping, background, etc.
It's a fine pistol, but I'll probably never own one, for that much green.
Well, anyway, GL JB, you've got a lot of shopping to do