Death and the Question

[PaddyD]

Well, I've been going through some tough times. So many deaths, short time, and a family so completely lost in grief that they seem to be clueless about the mere act of being alive. We've all suffered losses, being of humanity makes this unavoidable, but one is still left with the question. We all know this question. So simple it's understandable to all, but simultaneously confounding to everyone. A fluff'n mind bender if there ever was one.

Why?

Any thoughts or methods for coping would be a appreciated.


P.S. QUIT F****KING SMOKING!

[AKIron]

The only way I cope with loss and grief is to believe that there is more for us beyond this life. Without that belief everything seems meaningless and pointless to me.

[rpm]

This is a tough and very personal question. For me it really hit when my daughter died. The only resolution I could come to terms with is we are not aware of what our life has in store for us. People are born for a reason and they die for a reason. For the most part we are not in control of these reasons. You can quit smoking, eat healthy, take all nessessary precautions and still get hit by a bus crossing the street.

Live your life, love your family and enjoy what short time you have on this earth. That's about all any of us can do.

My deepest condolences on your loss. Try not to focus on the loss but the time you were fortunate enough to have together.

[PaddyD]

Thanks iron rpm, for th reply.

Truthfully i don't even know what i wanted to hear posting this, but i for some reason had to do it. Compelled in a way. Guess I've been to 'tough' around the family, haven't broken a tear, even carrying the damn casket, that i need the sympathy from strangers.

Thanks again.

Also, i don't know if any serious, religious/theological/personal belief discussion has ever happened on the subject of death here; i would read that one for sure, and could gain, as well as others could gain, from the different views expressed.

May be depressing and taboo, and generally avoided, but hey sometimes you have to go after the big stuff neh?

[KgB]

Originally posted by AKIron
The only way I cope with loss and grief is to believe that there is more for us beyond this life. Without that belief everything seems meaningless and pointless to me.

Perhaps there is more to this life than that belief.

[AKIron]

Originally posted by KgB
Perhaps there is more in this life than that belief.

Of course there is but when you lose the ones you love more than your own life everything in this life becomes less rather than more. Perhaps you must lose one like this to understand what I'm saying.

[RedTop]

Paddy,

I have no answers really other than to tell you things will get better.I lost my Mom a couple of years ago. Now...The last 16 moths of her life she lived with my wife and I. And , towards the end of her life , roles changed. The kid became the parent. It was the hardest F'in thing I have ever had to do in my life. I wouldn't wish what my wife and I along with my Sister and brother and family had to deal with on my worst enemy.

But , I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Losing loved ones is hard and I have struggled with the "Why" question many times. MANY times.

But , I believe there is a heaven....and thats what gets me thru it. Thats just me tho.....And even those that don't believe recieve prayers from me when they go through something like this.

[B@tfinkV]

im truly sad to read this paddy.

just remeber that death is most difficult for those that are left alive.

I try to think of it that the dead people i have loved are the lucky ones who have moved on past this existance, and we are the poor suckers left behind.

if you ever need someone to talk about anything then this community does have it caring side and we will be here for you whenever you need it.

[AKIron]

Originally posted by KgB
You right,didnt mean to offend ya tho

No offense taken. I wish for everyone the most meaning they can wrestle out of this life. For me, it's just not enough.

[moot]

Originally posted by AKIron
Of course there is but when you lose the ones you love more than your own life everything in this life becomes less rather than more. Perhaps you must lose one like this to understand what I'm saying.

Total opposite effect for me, but considering (afaict) the majority of oclub posters are stuck on their perspective, I won't fuel the argument..

Paddy - Life is as good as you make it. The peril of living in that black cloud you're talking about makes defying it and succeeding all the better and brighter.. In the end you will look back and see you've done your best every step, every moment of the way.  That's all you need to have a clear conscience now and then, no matter what happens afterwards.

depressing and taboo

It isn't. It's one of, if not the, defining factor in human perspective on all things.  There's nothing depressing about having your head on straight and seeing things as they really are.

[Yeager]

Why?  its all up to you to figure that out.

In my opinion, we are given life by the greatest force in time and existence, the creator of all that is, to find and experience love for ourselves and for everyone within reach, and then in the end we give all that love back to our creator and we share all of eternity with this love.  

In the end it may all turn out to be just a line of bull****, but its a hell of a nice thought and makes the pain and suffering worthwhile.

I'm with you bro.  Stay strong and stand up straight as a giant redwood, its our chance to excell.

[Gunthr]

Perhaps not for younger people, but for people over 40, it is good to remember your grave every day of your life.  Whether we remember the grave or not, the inevitable wheel of life turns, whether you are awake or asleep.

This reminds me to love.  When I was younger and doubted that there is a God, my mom reminded me that God is love.

It seems fitting that I love all my brothers and sisters at Christmas.  And I do.

The rest of the year I have trouble with it, but I try.

I hope my take might be some help to you Paddy.

[FBplmmr]

My Father passed away in 2005 and my Mom passed this July.

I think about this type of stuff frequently and look at it like this--

In cases of sickness/disease it is selfish of us to wish people to linger on while their bodies break down and cause them pain and suffering.

If you believe in Heaven, then they are there and no longer in pain.
If you do not believe in Heaven they are still better off to no longer be suffering.

If there is no Heaven then a person who dies has no regrets, if there is ... they definitely don't!


This does not mean I don't miss my folks, just how I look at their passing.

Before my Mom died she said 'I'd like to get better, but I'm ready to go too."

I don't know, it sounds better inside my head.

 good luck Paddy

[Hornet33]

When it comes to this subject I ALWAYS remember what my grandfather told me when I last saw him. He was in the hospital, dying from cancer. I was with him for the last time 4 months before he passed away. As I sat there talking to him, we discussed all the great times we shared together. Fishing and hunting trips, family reunions and the BBQ's that we had together, the trips he and my grandmom made down to Oklahoma to visit us in the summer time.

He wouldn't talk about his illness, only the fun times we had together. When it was time for me to leave and head back home, I went to say goodbye because I knew it would be the last time I would ever see him alive. He stopped me before I could say anything and told me,

"Don't say goodbye to me son. I may be dying, but you have to believe that we'll see each other again in the future. Don't cry for me when I'm gone. I don't want to think that everyone I know is going to miss me that much. Celebrate my life, have a party, and remember me from all the fun times we had together. THAT was my life, not this laying in bed dying from cancer. This is just the end of my time here, you go on and be happy with your life and look me up when you get to heaven because I'll be waiting there for you. We'll go fishing again."

I always admired my grandpa up to that point but those words he told me the last time I saw him have stuck with me since. He was a simple man from a small town in South Dakota, but he was also wise beyond his years. He lived his life with no regrets and was an honorable man.

I have tried to live up to those words he spoke to me the last time I saw him and I'll never forget them. I miss my grandpa from time to time but I always know he's in a better place and that one day we'll be together again sitting in a boat, lines in the water, fishing for that monster walleye that we'll never forget when we get it in the boat.

The hurt of the loss is bad, but if you fail to remember the good times you had together than the death is meaningless. You have to focus on all the good things, toss down a drink in their memory every now and then, and most of all you have to know that one day you'll be together again, picking up where you left off in this life, for more fun and adventure.

Or as my granfather would have said it, If your not screaming over the finish line, sideways, throttle wide open, yelling man what a ride, your not living life.

Lyle Bue, WWII Veteran, P-40 crew chief, American Volunter Group / 14th Air Force, China. Husband for over 50 years, father to 12 children, grandfather to over 30 grandchildren and MOST of all one of my all time HERO's.

Paddy, keep your chin up buddy. It's tough to loose loved ones but celebrate their lives by living as you think they would want you too. Don't give into the hurt and pain. Talk about them and laugh remembering the fun times. That's what they would want.

[PaddyD]

the thing that matters to me most is what others have said. when I'm up to it, I''ll quote you all and give credit, but now i just see that in the next year, I'll bury all four of my grandparents. no doubt in that, its time, cancer does its thing, and age has a say .

but as for now, one aunt, and one uncle is enough and i don't know what the **** ill do when the g-pa's times comes.

I mean Jesus, what the ****.

we all have to deal, nature does its thing, and though i may not be the catholic i was raised to be; the lord is always waiting for them though, and the the lord will hold them with him and take her to the beach again, to read another Joyce novel in 3 hours, getting some ridiculous tan, and discuss the idea of 'stream of consciousness' wirh her. I'm sure hes pretty good

Thanks to all that have posted replies.
understand I'M to fluffied up atm to make it personal.
thanks all the same! !!!!!