(June 3, 1944, London)
IKE: "Orderly, Take a message"
Orderly: "Yes Sir...to whom do you want it sent, sir?"
IKE: "Adolph Hitler, Leader of the Third Reich"
Orderly: "Yes sir, go ahead sir"
IKE:
"Dear Adolf:
How's Trix? Sorry to hear about the gas...I was going to have the 8th Air Force drop you some Bean-o, but I was afraid you wouldn't accept it. Still sore about the Jessie Owens thing, huh? Well, you'll get over it.
I just wanted you to know that the Allied forces under my command will commence "THE" invasion of Europe, with Allied forces from a number of countries, both Allied and currently occupied in three days hence. Even sooner..on the 5th...if the weather holds, but definitely by the 6th.
We've left all of your radar installations up so you can see us coming, because we love a good fight and don't need the element of surprise. Yeah, I learned all about the importance element of surprise as a tactic in OTS, but--awww, I'd be lame for using it with all these troops I have. We'll be parking about 5,000 ships in the channel off Normandy, between Ouirestreham and Les Rivieres, and dropping paratroopers the night before to secure those strategic targets in the rear areas you don't think we know about.
We were going to knock out the strategic targets in the area, like train bridges, troop concentrations, ammo dumps, and fuel dumps, but that would be lame.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know well in advance so you could throw up every recource you could and possibly totally mess up our objective because I thought it was only fair, and I'd be lame for not doing so.
Have a great day! Hug Eva for me!
Tell Goering I said hey, and to lay off the double-cheeseburgers!

Hugs & kisses, IKE
Dwight David Eisenhower, US Forces, Europe, Commanding"
IKE" "How's that sound?"
Orderly: "Sounds great sir, do you want me to read it back to you, sir?"
IKE: "No....I've...well...let me look at that son"
(Orderly hands Ike hand written note. Ike re-reads carefully)
Orderly: "Do you want this sent over open channels, Sir?"
(Eisenhower keeps reading, then rubs his head, then puts his hat back on)
Orderly: "Sir?"
IKE: "Naw....throw this in the fire son....
Note to all commanders...We're doing this one.....NOE".
ROX
ROX