Author Topic: Twinkies  (Read 1073 times)

Offline Meatwad

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Twinkies
« on: August 31, 2008, 10:17:52 PM »
SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
See Rule 19- Do not place sausage on pizza.
I am No-Sausage-On-Pizza-Wad.
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Offline Hangtime

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2008, 10:22:27 PM »
In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:
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EXPOSURE:
A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for four days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell.  Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds -- even pigeons -- avoided this potential source of sustenance.  Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form.  When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated.  Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling, however, retained its advertised "creaminess."
 

RADIATION:
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes -- the approximate cooking time of bacon.  After 20 seconds, the oven began to emit the Twinkie's rich, characteristic aroma of artificial butter.  After 1 minute, this aroma began to resemble the acrid smell of burning rubber.  The experiment was aborted after 2 minutes, 10 seconds, when thick, foul smoke began billowing from the top of the oven.  A second Twinkie was subjected to the same experiment.  This Twinkie leaked molten white filling.  When cooled, this now epoxy like filling bonded the Twinkie to its plate, defying gravity; it was removed only upon application of a butter knife.

EXTREME FORCE:
A Twinkie was dropped from a ninth-floor window, a fall of approximately 120 feet.  It landed right side up, then bounced onto its back.  The expected "splatter" effect was not observed.  Indeed, the only discernible damage to the Twinkie was a narrow fissure on its underside.  Otherwise, the Twinkie remained structurally intact.

EXTREME COLD:
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional freezer for 24 hours.  Upon removal, the Twinkie was not found to be frozen solid, but its physical properties had noticeably "slowed": the filling was found to be the approximate consistency of acrylic paint, while exhibiting the mercury like property of not adhering to practically any surface.  It was noticed that the Twinkie had generously absorbed freezer odors.

EXTREME HEAT:
A Twinkie was exposed to a gas flame for 2 minutes.  While the Twinkie smoked and blackened and the filling in one of its "cream holes" boiled, the Twinkie did not catch fire.  It did, however, produce the same "burning rubber" aroma noticed during the irradiation experiment.

IMMERSION:
A Twinkie was dropped into a large beaker filled with tap water.  The Twinkie floated momentarily began to list and sink, and viscous yellow tendrils ran off its lower half, possibly consisting of a water-soluble artificial coloring.  After 2 hours, the Twinkie had bloated substantially.  Its coloring was now a very pale tan – in contrast to the yellow, urine-like water that surrounded it.  The Twinkie bobbed when touched, and had a gelatinous texture.  After 72 hours, the Twinkie was found to have bloated to roughly 200 percent of its original size, the water had turned opaque, and a small, fan-shaped spray of filling had leaked from one of the "cream holes." Unfortunately, efforts to remove the Twinkie for further analysis were abandoned when, under light pressure, the Twinkie disintegrated into an amorphous cloud of debris.  A distinctly sour odor was noted.

SUMMARY OF RESULTS
The Twinkie's survival of a 120-foot drop, along with some of the unusual phenomena associated with the "creamy filling" and artificial coloring, should give pause to those observers who would unequivocally categorize the Twinkie as "food."  Further clinical inquiry is required before any definite conclusions can be drawn.
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Offline Meatwad

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2008, 10:28:18 PM »
That made me hungry, needed another Twinkie  :)
See Rule 19- Do not place sausage on pizza.
I am No-Sausage-On-Pizza-Wad.
Das Funkillah - I kill hangers, therefore I am a funkiller. Coming to a vulchfest near you.
You cant tie a loop around 400000 lbs of locomotive using a 2 foot rope - Drediock on fat women

Offline 1sum41

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2008, 10:30:19 PM »
^^ thats gross.............. i want another 1

Offline Meatwad

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2008, 10:31:20 PM »
Here ya go  :D

See Rule 19- Do not place sausage on pizza.
I am No-Sausage-On-Pizza-Wad.
Das Funkillah - I kill hangers, therefore I am a funkiller. Coming to a vulchfest near you.
You cant tie a loop around 400000 lbs of locomotive using a 2 foot rope - Drediock on fat women

Offline 1sum41

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2008, 10:39:17 PM »
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm brb got to go to the store to buy twinkes

Offline trax1

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #6 on: August 31, 2008, 10:42:14 PM »
Anyone tried these new banana flavored Twinkies?  I thought they tasted disgusting.
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Offline Dago

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #7 on: August 31, 2008, 11:02:59 PM »
Anyone tried these new banana flavored Twinkies?  I thought they tasted disgusting.

Twinkies were originally banana flavored.

I abandoned Twinkies years ago when they stopped using sugar in the filling and instead went with some artificial crap.
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Offline Fulmar

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #8 on: August 31, 2008, 11:11:03 PM »
Anyone tried these new banana flavored Twinkies?  I thought they tasted disgusting.
Banana flavored anything other than an actual banana, is by default disgusting.
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Offline Hangtime

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2008, 11:16:42 PM »








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Offline Meatwad

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #10 on: August 31, 2008, 11:21:06 PM »
I want a kinky twinkie

But can you take out the twinkie and replace it with a sheep

See Rule 19- Do not place sausage on pizza.
I am No-Sausage-On-Pizza-Wad.
Das Funkillah - I kill hangers, therefore I am a funkiller. Coming to a vulchfest near you.
You cant tie a loop around 400000 lbs of locomotive using a 2 foot rope - Drediock on fat women

Offline Rollins

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #11 on: August 31, 2008, 11:23:07 PM »


Slackers.   ;)
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Offline Hangtime

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2008, 11:26:39 PM »
« Last Edit: August 31, 2008, 11:31:00 PM by Hangtime »
The price of Freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle, anywhere, any time and with utter recklessness...

...at home, or abroad.

Offline rpm

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #13 on: August 31, 2008, 11:31:29 PM »
(Image removed from quote.)

Slackers.   ;)
Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!
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Offline stodd

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Re: Twinkies
« Reply #14 on: August 31, 2008, 11:45:21 PM »
Stodd/ CandyMan
I don't get why you even typed that, you know it's stupid.