then there are others
Alvin Toffler: Because the chicken was suffering from future shock.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take
John Locke: Because it was exercising its natural right to liberty.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapiens pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
John F. Kennedy: Er ist ein Roadcrosser
The Bible: God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Oliver Stone: It was a government conspiracy.
Sirs William Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan: To verify through measurement and research explorational, Asserted widths and properties of highways transportational. And thus through brain and intellect did prove itself, this animal, To be the very model of a modern chicken-general.
E.O. Wilson: Under the influence of a road-crossing gene, selected because it conferred a survival advantage in the chicken's ancestral line. We could conjecture, for example, that crossing roads represents the transfer of a behavioral trait whereby some chickens sought to distance themselves from rivals, thereby distinguishing them in the eyes of potential mates and increasing their reproductive potential.
Sir Edmund Hillary: Because it was there.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that!
Sigmund Freud: As an expression of the repressed desire to have sex with its mother. The road symbolizes the barrier presented by the cultural taboo.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
John Wayne: 'Cause a chicken's gotta do what a chicken's gotta do.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. This isn't about roads and chickens. I don't think you quite understand that what you believe I may have meant isn't what you think I said.
F. Lee Bailey: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time and who did we overlook in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Perry Mason: I don't know, but I intend to find out. Della, get Paul on the phone for me.
Marlin Perkins: While Jim wrestles the chicken across the road I'll be taking a nap here in the tent.
Stevie Wonder: Chicken? I did not see any chicken!
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Aristotle: Because one chicken cannot be more chicken than another.
Nietzsche: The chicken crossed the road, but it will take time for the consequences of the chicken's actions to be felt by the common chicken.
Jean Chrétien: Da chicken crossed da road because 'e 'ad da plan.
James T Kirk: Phasers on fry Mr Chekhov.
