Most of you know I'm manager of a grocery store and I hate thieves. I always scan the security DVR to see what is going on in areas when I'm not around. A couple weeks ago I spotted a white wigger homeboy in his 20's stealing beer while his buddy was getting a check cashed. He had the whole getup on. Do rag, big baggy pants falling off his butt, black shirt with some hip hop crap written on it and a big silver "bling" on a long chain. Homeboy be pimpin'. I copied the pic to my PDA, I'll remember this punk.
Today I'm walking across the store look up and guess who walks past me heading for the beer? Freaking no life idiot is still wearing the same exact clothes.
I stake him out and he grabs a 40 out of the cooler and heads to the back of the store. I keep track of him and he winds his way around till he finds what he thought was a blind spot and stuck the beer down his pants. His buddy gets his check cashed and they head for the door. I let his buddy pass then jumped in Homeboy's face.
I scared the dogsnot out of him.
We did the "where's the beer" / "what beer" game for a couple rounds then he tried to walk around me. I put my hand in his chest hard and told him to back up or I would physically restrain him. My assistant was already on the phone to police so I knew I didn't have to keep him long, but this guy is in his 20's, 5"10" around 180 and I know he's got to be in better shape. I'm 6"2', 220, late 40's and have 2 stents in my heart. But to steal a line from Jim Rockford "Son, I got 40 pounds on ya and a whole lot more mean."
I keep the aggressive stance and get him walking backwards into the store's deli area. I'm drilling him with questions and tell him he's in my video files stealing beer. R. Lee Ermey would have been proud. I tell him I have his buddy's ID on file from cashing the check and he's going to jail, too. That triggered his eject button because he realised I had him far from the door and he made another break for it, but this time he was committed about leaving.
I grabbed his shirt near his neck and gave it a twist so I had a good, solid hold. He ran into me pretty hard and knocked me off balance, but I still had his shirt in my hand and I took him to the floor with me as we bounced off some dining tables in the deli on the way down. He was on top of me and had me in a bad position. But instead of pressing the fight he tried to get up and run. I still had a firm hold of his shirt and yanked as hard as I could. He did a faceplant into the tile floor, but he was still on top of me. I knew I couldn't control him from my position so I reached around his neck with my left arm, let go of his shirt with my right and had him in a choke hold headlock on my left side. He started squirming. My only thought was this 'fraking punk is going to bite me' so I cinched down on the choke.
He started squirming around with his hands behind my back and I couldn't tell what he was doing. I thought I was about to get shanked. I said "Don't make me hurt you" rolled over and gave a big squeeze as hard as I could. I tried to pop his head off. He decided to chill. I slacked off on the choke so he could breathe a little, but I'm still in control. He gasps for breath and starts begging me to let him go, he's sorry, he'll never come back, ect. I told him to hold still, shut up and he won't get hurt. A few seconds later the first cop arrives and gets cuffs on Homeboy. I let go and roll out from under him. The cop restrains him proper with a knee in the back and starts to pat him down. The guy had a hunting knife on his belt, but he wasn't able to reach it the way I had been holding him.
After backup arrived and they walk him out of the store. My heart was pumping from the adrenaline and my shoulder hurt where I hit the deli tables. What a day to forget my nitro. I thought to myself, Don't mess with the old man! Then the next thing I thought was it was just over a year ago my girlfriend was murdered in a store robbery. She was exactly like me and I know she didn't take any **** from them and that's what got her killed. I got lucky today.
The cops come back in and tell me they can't arrest him because they didn't find the beer on him. During our fight it slipped out of his pants. We found it on the floor under one of the deli freezer cases, but couldn't prove it was his. I'm not hurt (bumps, bruises and a few scrapes) so they can't file assault charges. I sign a criminal trespass complaint and they let him freaking go. Even though I have him on video on more than one occasion stealing, they can't arrest him.
Gotta love it.
So I sit here, nursing a bruised knee and shoulder sipping on some Maker's Mark. But, I still think to myself...
Don't mess with the old man!
