Author Topic: Best Obituary Ever  (Read 385 times)

Offline eskimo2

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Best Obituary Ever
« on: September 12, 2008, 02:27:39 PM »
I didn't know her, but here's an obituary of an 81 year old woman from my small town.  It's by far the best obituary I've ever read.  Her kids inherited her sense of humor and wrote the obituary at her request to keep it light.  She awoke an hour before she died, they read it to her, she approved it and offered a few suggestions that made it even funnier, and then passed.

Quote

Ruth E. Rencevicz (Sechrist)

Ruth E. Rencevicz, born Ruth Elizabeth Sechrist on August 28, 1927, passed away on September 7, 2008 due to complications resulting from her children making her old before her time.

(Ruth had a playful and irreverent outlook towards life, an attitude that she was fortunate enough to retain right up until the time of her death. This obituary is being written with that philosophy in mind. If you find this particular viewpoint offensive, then read no further. Instead, please take comfort in knowing that Ruth fought her leukemia courageously right up until the very end, and that she died peacefully in her sleep.)

Ruth passed away amongst the rich and famous in Greenwich, Conn. She is survived by brother, Clyde; sons, Wade, Bernard, Phil and Jon; daughters, Lisa and Sonya; grandchildren, Trevor, Grace, Casey and Sammy; an illegitimate child conceived when the circus was in town named Greg "The Donkey" King; her favorite dog, Lucy; and her favorite cat, Derrick.

Over the years, in addition to her regular jobs as a full-time mom and a switchboard operator at both Sears and BFG Federal Credit Union, Ruth also served her country as a covert spy for the Central Intelligence Agency, where during the Cold War she was largely responsible for the breakup of the Soviet Union near the end of the 20th century. At least, that's the way she told it.

Ruth was also very active as a volunteer with youth in her community in Tallmadge, Ohio, where she was known to selflessly give of her time by standing on her balcony yelling at kids for "playing that rap music" at all hours of the day and night. She also served as a mentor to young people by throwing rocks at teenagers dressed in loose baggy pants with their underwear exposed. She winged a couple of 'em pretty good, from what we understand.

Although born in Hammondsville, Ohio, Ruth enjoyed summering in Greenwich, Conn., where she loved drinking Fresca with Absolut Ruby Red vodka, and stalking Peter Jennings and Jack Black.

Ruth reported being abducted by aliens several times during her life, and we don't mean the good kind of aliens who come from outer space. We're talking about illegal immigrant aliens from Mexico and West Virginia. Oddly, Ruth never really complained much about these kidnappings.

Ruth was adamant that people use the occasion of her passing to remember and celebrate her life. In lieu of formal funeral proceedings or viewing hours, she requested that those who remember and cared about her share both a special memory and a drink in her honor. Preferably Bud Light Lime, or if that's not available, gasoline or floor wax.
 
Published in the Akron Beacon Journal on 9/10/2008

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A fantastic sense of humor, and she was pretty to boot:



Link: http://www.legacy.com/ohio/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=117208334
Guestbook: http://www.legacy.com/ohio/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=117208334

Offline 007Rusty

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2008, 02:35:11 PM »
                        :aok
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Offline Denholm

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2008, 02:38:13 PM »
WOW! That's hilarious! :rofl
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Offline Grayeagle

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2008, 02:38:24 PM »
*nice* .. you can't take life seriously ..it's gonna kill yas regardless :)

Sounds like my kinda people :)

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Offline Maverick

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2008, 03:05:04 PM »
Life is a full contact sport and no one gets out alive. Yeah, she partied!  :rock
 :aok :salute RIP Ruth.
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Offline Dragon

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2008, 03:18:53 PM »
So that's where that rock came from.

<S> Ruth, hate to see a good local go, their are so few left.
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Offline Elfie

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2008, 04:36:28 PM »
Good to see a sense of humor from folks.  :aok
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Offline AWMac

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2008, 08:20:39 PM »
To Ruth!!!

We need more Angels like you Dear!

 :aok

Mac

Offline sluggish

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Re: Best Obituary Ever
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2008, 08:33:08 PM »
And then you have this little nugget-

http://www.snopes.com/media/iftrue/obituary.asp

What if heaven and hell are the feelings and memories that people keep about us after we're gone?