<sound of teletype machines w/ dramatic music swelling>
<Cut to newsroom talking head>
Big lights in sky are expected to appear in the east thanks to Russia's tanking economy.. thoroughly rattled neighbors are busy 'arming up'. Korea starving.. and where is Kim Jong Ill?. Cuba kicked back to third world status by back to back country wrecking hurricanes and Generalissimo Fidel Castro is still dead...
<talking head swings to camera 3, close up>
"... Good evening. Those are the headlines, now for the rumors behind the news."
HOLY CRAP!!