a couple of things I've learned over the years. NEVER marry into a large family

[DREDIOCK]

And more recently

One mother can raise and take care of 9 children
But 8 children cant civilly take care of one mother.


ARRRHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Getback]

Don't marry into a retard family either. My former father in law, as I found out many years later, committed incest. Messed up his 3 daughters of which one was my wife. Poor woman is now suicidal. I'm divorced now but I hear my sons tales of frustration. My heart goes out.

[eskimo2]

Don't marry into a retard family either. My former father in law, as I found out many years later, committed incest. Messed up his 3 daughters of which one was my wife. Poor woman is now suicidal. I'm divorced now but I hear my sons tales of frustration. My heart goes out.

You made me laugh in the first sentence, and seriously frown in the second. 

[Getback]

You made me laugh in the first sentence, and seriously frown in the second. 

Should have kept it light. Apologies.

[kamilyun]

Aging mother-in-law Drediock?  Similar situations in my family.

Best of luck.  Is she coherent?  Have a will?  Have instructions for her personal care/estate?  I don't know what to tell ya, it's tough if it's not your parents, but your in-laws.  Kind of like you have to deal with everything, but don't have any power to do anything.  

[john9001]

i have a good family, a quote from a family member, "i will never put anyone in a retirement home".

[Hangtime]

my kid; 'dad, we'll put you in the best retirement home the government will pay for'.

i'm screwed.

[rpm]

i have a good family, a quote from a family member, "i will never put anyone in a retirement home".

Easy to say untill their health becomes a burden. A close friend tried desperately to take care of her grandmother but finally had to give in and put her in a resthome. Sometimes it's the best thing even tho it's unpleasant.

[eskimo2]

Should have kept it light. Apologies.

No, that's just life.  That's part of what this board is all about; getting to know each other.

[SD67]

Don't marry into a retard family either. My former father in law, as I found out many years later, committed incest. Messed up his 3 daughters of which one was my wife. Poor woman is now suicidal. I'm divorced now but I hear my sons tales of frustration. My heart goes out.

I know exactly where you're coming from Getback, It's a shame you didn't know the whole story when you got into the situation, you could have been in a better position to help her with the issues that such abuse creates.

[Nilsen]

I married into a fairly large family. Thankfully as I married my best friends older sister I have known them well since i was about 3 years old so i knew what i was getting into, and that includes their flaws. Trust me.. if i had not been prepared for that long i would have gone nuts.  

I dont have any brothers or sisters myself so i always considered my best friends older twins as my sisters too (with all the good and bad big sisters offers lol)

[DREDIOCK]

Shes on her last leg so's to speak
She began suffering from dementia about a year and a half ago. And its been getting progressively worse.
She's been sick on and off for about the same amount of time.
Endless trips to the doctors office to find out what was wrong.
Recurring urinary tract problems as well.
 
A few months ago she was diagnosed with bladder cancer.
upon getting her records. my wife noticed that a doctor made a notation over a year ago wondering if that might be the problem.
None of the other docs followed up on it..till a few months ago.
 
Anyway. long story short. the basically gutted her like a fish. Bladder and all "female" organs removed.
In and out of the hospital ever since. infection etc etc. Every time they tried giving her medicine for one thing. ity had an adverse effect on something else.
Ok thas the lead in.
The kids....9 of them  meaning my wife and other inlaws are taking care of her. orrr I should say 3 have been CONSISTANTLY helping in taking care of her.
3 of 9. the rest...well sometimes they had other things to do. Trips to the Fla Keys, Vacations at the shore.
Who were the three
Lets just say. our family and two of my sister in laws didnt have much of a summer.
Course the one brother in law who was about to be headed to jail for a couple of years for bribing public officials had other things to do most of the time.Forget the fact he probably wont get out before she dies.
Spending weekends down the shore was more important.
He's always been a criminal. for as long as I've known him. but his mother has always stood behind him.
 
Funny how the one that easily owes his mother the most is the one willing to do the least in her time of need.
 
All in all trying to get the rest to pitch in was for my wife and two of her sisters like trying to pull eye teeth.
One of my other sister in laws. Whom I frequently refer to as the classic example for justifiable spousal abuse. she helped more then the rest. but not without protest and her typical NASTY attitude. While my wife and other two often did 24 hour at a time stints. She was only going to be there from time X to time X and "someone had BETTER be there to releive me on time". Of course according to her she is also the only one that knows what the hell they are doing.
 
There was one silver lining in all this. About two weeks ago she walked in with her typical attitude shooting her mouth off to one of my other sister inlaws.
Well she finally had enough and hauled off and clocked her upside the head. a fistfight ensued (this sister in law is now my hero as its been something I've fantasized about doing since well before my wife and I were married. I sent her a thank you card and everything LOL)
 
But all this went on right in front of my mother in law in her hospital room
 
The real killer is all the infighting though. 3 of them including my wife  learned to work together with dedication.
The ride hasnt been without bumps. but they all managed to work things out together.
the rest.
Well everyone has an opinion on how THEY want it done. Or what THEY are willing to do.
Forget the fact that they are only putting forth minimal effort.
That its been my wife and two sisters that have had to learn how to do and have had to doeverything from change a stoma bag to give injections.
To wiping her arse.
Those three have been putting in the ungodly hours. Staying up with her all night then going to work the next day with little and often no sleep. Only to do it again two days later.
 
I've always said she was the center pole holding the teepee up. And when she went the entire family would fall apart.
Damn shame they couldnt wait for it to actually happen.
 
In some respects her dementia is a blessing as it is protecting her from noticing this go on most of the time. Or at least remembering it.
 
Me.
All I can do is be as supportive as I can.
 
Im just disgusted at watching it all.
I get to deal with the fallout
I know better then to get involved with blood relations
But...Its all I can do sometimes to not take the rest to task.
I may at some point. Actually probably will.
If I do. It aint gonna be pretty
In the meantime. Dont mind me. Im just ranting

[john9001]

Easy to say untill their health becomes a burden. A close friend tried desperately to take care of her grandmother but finally had to give in and put her in a resthome. Sometimes it's the best thing even tho it's unpleasant.

it already happened, my mother was 99 when she died , at home.

[Dragon]

Anyway. long story short.

Thanks for not posting the long version.  I know I'll be having the same issue with my parents as soon as they start to need some help.  Some people just don't care and it truly sucks.  But God forgive their kids don't get exactly the gift they want at Xmas or B-day, but that's another story.

[gusman]

When and if the time comes I want my kids to stick me in a rest home. I'm having a good life and I don't want to interfere in theirs. Come and visit me as much as possible of course and bring the grandkids (if I'm coherent). Oh and I've got a living will to pull the plug if need be.

Oh and Dred, we are having the same problem with my mom in law. She's bed ridden but still coherent. The oldest sister got power of Attorney against my advice. Now she is mucking things up big time. She's getting advice from her lunch partners  

Cheers,
gusman44