Ok..
I unchecked the settings under Hanger to remove that auto stall thingie, Bruv suggested. 'Check'
I set all my control keys to favor that of my old FA days. 'Check'
I finally figured out how to enter an arena. I pick the SpitXIV and enter via the middle base.
4 NewCastles chilling in a bucket (just a big bowl) of ice. 'Check'
My wife enters the room with my special request, 'Four Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly'. 'Check'
I reach down and flip on my Ipod and set it to the 3rd folder from the top... 'Best of the Bee Gees' 'Check'
Joystick rested firmly on my left thigh, quick bite of my TPBnJ as my wife feeds me a drink of Ice Cold NewCastle (Damn that was good!). 'Oh Hell Yeah!'
Quick kiss good luck and Throttle Full Power Baby!!!
I promptly take off from base 'H' and as I'm turning right onto the runway, it occurs to me of what Bruv said. The second must thing to do is to set hatch view by scooting nearest to the view. As I almost set the first direction; Crashland!! OF COURSE IT WASN'T THE BEST TIME TO DO THAT!!! YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?!!!!!
I sit patiently for the game to reset. I try to recall if I took off from base 'H' or base 'NW', when then it dawns on me!... The names aren't 'H' or 'NW'; 'H' probably stands for Headquarters and 'NW' North West. Of course I am brilliant! I wonder... "Did i bring in the Recycling trash can? .. Damn this Ice Cold NewCastle is THE BOMB!!.. WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG?!!"
I am now a long skinny arm with a weak looking pistol. Shots go off as I frantically try hitting keys. WTF!! How the hell do you move this guy? Mouse don't work!? Esc button!
End Sortie
On to Sortie 2...
I NOT TAKING OFF FROM THAT JINXED HEADQUARTERS!... North West it is!.. FULL THROTTLE!! My new SpitXIV blares on and quickly rolls. I steady her as straight as you can piss your name in the snow.. MOTHER TRUCKER! ! Crashland..!
End Sortie
On to Sortie 3...!
OK DAMNIT.. LETS JUST CALM THE *$%! down!! THINK!!.. Just take the *$%! OFF.. SLOW, EASY ROLL.. GUIDE THIS PUNK ASS!!!
Deep Breathe
Grab the last NewCastle, set to song 'Staying Alive' and take the last bite of my last TPBnJ dinner.
Long Breathe.. Lets do this..
Slowly crank the throttle as my Spitty starts rolling. I make sure I keep it at slow steady speed and continue down the runway. As I near the end of the runway, I gently start pulling back the stick with a slight panic. Lift Off!!.. OH YEAH BABY.. ..! YOU KNoooWW!. Hell I don't know what direction I was flying, but atleast i'm up in the air! %Ay Ay Ay Ay... Staying Alive, Staying Alive%
Another deep Breathe.. I hit ESC.
Steadily turn in the direction of the first lonely Red dot. All i was focused on was the red bad guy! 10 Years of SA experience out the window! I did not look anywhere else, but at that one bad guy.. lol
Right before engagement, I noticed a friendly engaging him. I strategically keened in on the enemies move and anticipate him pulling up behind my, now favorite, wingman (NO! I don't remember his stinkin name); He pulls a mother of a beauty set and I tune in on the kill. Bang Bang Bang!!! Did I hit him? That was a beaut set and I MISSED?! I read below 'You Destroyed..'
BOOOYAH!!! .. BOOYAHKAH!!! ..PEICE OF $^#!ing CAKE!!
My tactic worked beautifully!
I hit ESC and turn home... I hit the button configured to drop gears and hear them drop....
OF COURSE, I DIDN'T REMEMBER I NEVER PULLED THEM UP!!!
Are you telling me, I was able to drunkenly take off, turn while almost stalling 4 times, Absolutely Zero 'SA' and kill my first kill with my gears down?!! And all during my default cockpit view?!!!! WELL THAT'S WHAT I'M TELLING YOU!!!
NO I DIDN'T LAND... but it was a damn good try!
End Sortie.
=s=
Admiral
