Author Topic: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket  (Read 874 times)

Offline BMathis

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Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« on: August 24, 2009, 11:44:11 AM »
Top This One For A Speeding Ticket

   Two California Highway  Patrol Officers were conducting speeding
enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station atMiramar .
One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding
vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.  The officers were suddenly
surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour.. The officer
attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned
off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in
fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet (Northrop Grumman aircraft) which was
engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.



Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the
USMC Base Commander.


The reply came back in true USMC style:




Thank you for your letter.  We can now complete the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had
detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar
equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why
it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had
also automatically locked on to your equipment location.

Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation
for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and
was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was
launched to destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since
the video systems on these jets are very high tech.

Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist
to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the
snap is broken on his holster.


Thank you for your concern.

Semper Fi

BMathis
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Offline AWwrgwy

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2009, 12:14:10 PM »
71 (Eagle) Squadron
"THAT"S PAINT!!"

"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through."
- General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay

Offline BMathis

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2009, 12:17:00 PM »
This is a good read post, put a smile on your monday work face.... Not that I expected anyone to take time to dig up whether it's real or not.  :rolleyes:
BMathis
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Offline Ack-Ack

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2009, 12:23:01 PM »
Anyone that has lived in San Diego can easily see that the geography description is incorrect.


ack-ack
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Offline gyrene81

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2009, 12:25:41 PM »
Real or not it's funny stuff.  :rofl

Here's a good jarhead joke for ya (old and maybe you saw it already):

A Taliban Army platoon was on patrol when the commander noticed a lone Marine standing on a hilltop in their area.
The commander told two of his soldiers to go take out the Marine, so they dropped their packs and promptly ran as fast as they could toward him.  
Just before they got to the top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.  The two soldiers followed.
For the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the Marine came up on the hilltop.
He brushed off his cammies, straightened his cover, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers.
The infuriated commander called for a squad to go get the Marine. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward him. Just before they got to the top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.
The squad followed, and for the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the Marine came up on the hilltop. Brushed off his cammies, straightened his cover, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers once again.
The commander was really hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the Marine. Determined that Taliban soldiers were far superior to one lone Marine, they had blood in their eyes as they ran up the hill. Just before they got to the top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.  
The bloodthirsty soldiers followed. For many minutes there were horrific screams and dust flying in the air. It continued and continued. Finally, one lone Taliban soldier came crawling back to the commander, all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His uniform was torn, cuts were all over his body.
The commander asked for a report.
The lone soldier, trying to catch his breath, replied in a forceful and trembling voice:  "Sir,...run,...it's a trick. There are TWO of them!!"
jarhed  
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day...
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. - Terry Pratchett

Offline BMathis

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2009, 12:52:13 PM »
 :lol Good one Gryene
BMathis
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Offline Selino631

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2009, 01:59:48 PM »
I believe this is the "real" version  :D

"A marine recon platoon was on patrol when the lt. noticed a lone special forces soldier standing on a hill top in their area. The lt. told two of his men to go take out that man.
They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The two marines followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.

The lt., pissed, called for a squad to go get that sf soldier. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine squad followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.

The lt. was really hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the sf soldier. Determined that the recon was far superior to the one sf soldier they had blood in their eyes as they ran up the hill.Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine's followed.

For many miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. It continued and continued. Finally there was one lone marine crawling back to the lt., all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His bdu's were torn, cuts were all over his body. The lt. asked for a sit.rep.

The lone marine, bloody and beaten replied in a forceful and fearful voice "Sir, run, its a trick. There are TWO of them!!"
OEF 11-12

Offline John Curnutte

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2009, 02:35:54 PM »
 A great monday post , brings a smilt to my face  :salute
              Nutte
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Offline gyrene81

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2009, 02:37:58 PM »
ROFLMAO funny rewrite Selino...  :rofl

Reminds me of my time in the corps stationed at Aberdeen Md. Lots of army Special Forkers...one night a young Woman Marine I knew (inside and out) from Tennessee burst into my room holding her wrist and telling me she had to hide and not to tell anyone I had seen her...I didn't ask what was up I just went into action...I had keys to the utility rooms in our barracks and hid her in the one across from my room...not 5 minutes later I hear our First Sergeant and several other NOCs banging on doors telling everyone to assemble in formation in the lobby...IMMEDIATELY...it was 0230 in the morning...there in the lobby of our barracks building lined up and at attention in various forms of undress stood the entire 150 member detachment of fresh out of bootcamp jarheads (men and women)...standing in front of our formation looking everyone over was our C.O., X.O., an Army Lt. Colonel, an Army Captain, 4 Army MPs and one Army medic holding a young Army corporal by one arm while the corporal held a large ice pack on the side of his swollen face...20 minutes later after walking past our formation and eyeballing everyone the Army pukes leave the building...then our C.O. announces that whoever it was that broke that young corporals jaw would answer for it if and only if they were found out...it was obvious none of the NCO's had heard what had happened before that moment because every single one of them had to choke off a laugh...the C.O. and X.O. dismissed us and walked out of the building laughing...

I almost fell out of formation laughing my oscar off...poor girl had a cast on her arm for 6 weeks due to a "training accident".
jarhed  
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day...
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. - Terry Pratchett

Offline oakranger

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2009, 02:39:59 PM »
 :rofl

They are both good.
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Offline Selino631

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2009, 07:58:39 PM »
ROFLMAO funny rewrite Selino...  :rofl

Reminds me of my time in the corps stationed at Aberdeen Md. Lots of army Special Forkers...one night a young Woman Marine I knew (inside and out) from Tennessee burst into my room holding her wrist and telling me she had to hide and not to tell anyone I had seen her...I didn't ask what was up I just went into action...I had keys to the utility rooms in our barracks and hid her in the one across from my room...not 5 minutes later I hear our First Sergeant and several other NOCs banging on doors telling everyone to assemble in formation in the lobby...IMMEDIATELY...it was 0230 in the morning...there in the lobby of our barracks building lined up and at attention in various forms of undress stood the entire 150 member detachment of fresh out of bootcamp jarheads (men and women)...standing in front of our formation looking everyone over was our C.O., X.O., an Army Lt. Colonel, an Army Captain, 4 Army MPs and one Army medic holding a young Army corporal by one arm while the corporal held a large ice pack on the side of his swollen face...20 minutes later after walking past our formation and eyeballing everyone the Army pukes leave the building...then our C.O. announces that whoever it was that broke that young corporals jaw would answer for it if and only if they were found out...it was obvious none of the NCO's had heard what had happened before that moment because every single one of them had to choke off a laugh...the C.O. and X.O. dismissed us and walked out of the building laughing...

I almost fell out of formation laughing my oscar off...poor girl had a cast on her arm for 6 weeks due to a "training accident".
lol i didnt rewrite it i found it on the internet, there are like 50 diffrent versions of that story.

That Cpl must have been a maintence pog or something because you have to be E-5 Sergeant to be SF.
OEF 11-12

Offline gyrene81

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Re: Semper Fi - Speeding Ticket
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2009, 10:59:32 PM »
That Cpl must have been a maintence pog or something because you have to be E-5 Sergeant to be SF.
Wasn't sure, it was back in 81 and since it was Aberdeen MD. he could have been training as an E-5 candidate, they had all kinds of training ops going on there. The Captain had SF insignia all over him...looked kinda mean. That was the only sober night of my time there...sadly.
jarhed  
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day...
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. - Terry Pratchett