Do you have a joke to tell?

[Mano]

Well................Let's hear it.

THE 100 MILE AN HOUR GOAT

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge

hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

 

The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder

how deep it is."  The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down

and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

 

The first hunter says "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand

and we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and

two and three, and throw it in the hole.

 

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in

the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the

brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.

 

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to

figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer,

"you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

 

The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute

ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and

jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

 

The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!"

<S>
Mano

[Mickey1992]

Rudolph, a dedicated Russian Communist, was the most famous weather man in Russia. That was because he always predicted the weather with 100 percent accuracy.

Rudolph was called to a rocket base by the government because they were about to launch a large satellite. He looked at the sky and urged the scientists and engineers to postpone the launch because, he asserted, a hard rain would soon fall.


Rudolph's wife, who happened to be the chief scientist at the launch site, urged Rudolph to change his mind and give his go-ahead to the launch. She argued that there wasn't a cloud anywhere within ten miles of the base. As a matter of fact,
that day had been the most beautiful day in months, and it was obvious to everyone that it wasn't going to rain.

Their collegial disagreement soon escalated into a furious argument that Rudolph closed by shouting,

"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

[bravoa8]

  Both are great!

[bravoa8]

  Good ones!

[bravoa8]

  Nice ones!

Sorry triple post internet dosen't want to work right.

[Mickey1992]

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
All of the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*tches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[gyrene81]

ROFLMAO!!! Now that's funny Mickey...I don't care who you are...that downright hilarious.       

[curry1]

Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus???




















Santa Claus stops at Three hos.

[Rondar]

DADDY, how was I born?


A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'  The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.  There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 

.


.


.


.


.


.




you have male

[Rash]

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?



About 4 beers.

[100Coogn]

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?



About 4 beers.

 

[bravoa8]

DADDY, how was I born?


A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'  The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.  There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 

.


.


.


.


.


.




you have male

(Image removed from quote.)

Good one!

[Nitro185]

Carols For the Psycho Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear?

DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me....

PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, ........ (better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.


 

[ebfd11]

How can you tell if a woman is loose????




She sits on a barstool and sinks to the floor....


How can you tell if she is talented???


She stands up and the barstool is gone.

[bravoa8]

Carols For the Psycho Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear?

DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me....

PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, ........ (better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.


 

That's the funniest one!!!