Some funny stories that i think we could all relate to

[Flipperk]

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/retarded-customer-questions.php


http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/retarded-customer-questions2.php


I can safely say that I have had many stories like these before, when i worked at customer service for Kroger a women came up with a gallon of milk, she said she wanted a refund. At first I asked for her receipt but she did not have it, I then asked why she wanted a refund and told me that the milk was bad...of course thats common but the jug was not even open yet, and it was ice cold 

I told her i couldn't give a refund on a perfectly good parishable item and the fact that she did not have a reciept for it that would mean that a manager would have to look at the records of the sale. ( of course i could have just given her the refund, but she was being a B@$^@ and was calling me a liar because i said that the jug was not even open)

She left in anger and i never saw her again...




I encourage everyone to share their stories so we can all laugh and be entertained! 

[Killer91]

what time do you close tonight?"
"at 6."
"o'clock?"
"..."

No. We close at six dollars. You know, since "dollars" is an indication of time.

Oh man to funny

[maddafinga]

I spent three years working customer service at a prominent car rental company.  I had three noteworthy incidents in the years that I worked there.

1: A reservation agent gets me and wants to transfer an international reservation to me, I replied that an international reservation should be transferred to the international reservations dept and not customer service.  She said ok thanks, I just have this guy wanting to make a reservation for New Mexico, and that was where I stopped her.  I told her that wasn't an international reservation but was instead one that she should be making. 
She said "Well, I'm pretty new but my training coach told me that we could only make reservations for a state that has a star on the flag"
I replied "Yep."

RA: "But it's New Mexico"

ME: "Yes, but it's NEW Mexico."

RA: (as it slowly dawns on her) "oooooooooooooohhh"


2: A woman gets transferred to me for a road service call and says her car just started billowing smoke badly and knocking and died.  She had pulled over to the side of the road.  I put her on hold and got a tow truck sent out to her and went back to tell her to hang tight and a truck was on the way.  She thanked me and mentioned how it was strange because the car had been just fine until she had put gas in it a few miles back.  Then she asks "You don't think this was because I filled it up with diesel do you?"  I said "Well, probably so, why did you fill it with diesel, doesn't it say unleaded fuel only on the instrument panel and the gas cap?"   She says "Well yes, but the diesel was cheaper, so I got that instead."  I asked how how she even did it because isn't the nozzle a different size designed not to fit in the tank, and she said yeah she thought that was strange but had just lined it up as best she could. 

3:  An irate woman called me saying how we had screwed up her reservation, swearing that she had booked a Chevy Suburban and when she got there it was just a Blazer and we had lied to her and screwed her over.  She was very very angry.  So I got her res number and looked it up, she had booked it herself on the internet and nobody at our end had ever touched it or altered in any way whatsoever.  I told her that and she said I was wrong and obviously lying and that she knew damn well she had booked a Suburban. 

Now this reservation was for a city location in Orlando FL, not one of the nearby airport locations.  I told her that we didn't even carry the Suburban in that state as they were a special vehicle that was only in the ski states and not available at all anywhere else and the website stated that very clearly.  She said once again that I was lying and that she knows they had Surburbans at that location, the website said it specifically.  I pulled the website up and looked, and it specifically said that they only carried up to the Blazer, and told her as much.  She said "well I don't know what's wrong with you because I am looking at the website right now and it clearly says that this is a suburban location. 

So I had to explain the meaning of the word suburban to her. 

Those are the worst ones, there are other staggering examples of stupidity, but those are the worst ones.  I still laugh about them sometimes.

[Selino631]

lol, I work part time at a Chick-fil-A until i graduate high school. We get all kinds of stupid people. Once a lady called and asked what time we normaly closed, I said that we closed at 10, she asked "10am or 10pm"  it was after 2pm when she called.

also we had a lady come in and throw a fit because she orderd a milkshake and it didnt come in the same cup that is shows in the picture! we told her it was for advertizing perpouses and she was soo pissed.

[Flipperk]

I remember alot of what time do you guys close questions, at the bank i pick up the phone and I clearly say

Thank You for calling IBC Bank in Friendswood, This is Chase, How can i help you?


The most irrateing response was, "Yes, is this the galveston location?"


Also I had a women call and ask for the phone number to a Wells Fargo bank, what do we look like lady a friggen switch board?!

[Enker]

I don't have any great stories, but there was :

I'm a mcslave, maintenance actually. Manager slipped me on presenting window.

Lady pulls up, I give her the stuff she ordered and she stops me to ask...

"Do you have anything, you know, actually healthy on your menu."

I gave her an empty cup and left.

I saw the "MS Paint stupid things you did when you were little" thread, and these were some of my favorites:






^^^I did that several times. I just couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work, and ended the day with a mess of bruises. I tried again the next day.

I love SomethingAwful.

[Serenity]

Just the way this one was written made me crack up:

"You know those Arby's commercials with the guy asking the girl behind the counter if he can get 5 items on the 5 for 5.95 deal?

Yeah. Every damn day."

[Flipperk]

I spent three years working customer service at a prominent car rental company.  I had three noteworthy incidents in the years that I worked there.

1: A reservation agent gets me and wants to transfer an international reservation to me, I replied that an international reservation should be transferred to the international reservations dept and not customer service.  She said ok thanks, I just have this guy wanting to make a reservation for New Mexico, and that was where I stopped her.  I told her that wasn't an international reservation but was instead one that she should be making. 
She said "Well, I'm pretty new but my training coach told me that we could only make reservations for a state that has a star on the flag"
I replied "Yep."

RA: "But it's New Mexico"

ME: "Yes, but it's NEW Mexico."

RA: (as it slowly dawns on her) "oooooooooooooohhh"


2: A woman gets transferred to me for a road service call and says her car just started billowing smoke badly and knocking and died.  She had pulled over to the side of the road.  I put her on hold and got a tow truck sent out to her and went back to tell her to hang tight and a truck was on the way.  She thanked me and mentioned how it was strange because the car had been just fine until she had put gas in it a few miles back.  Then she asks "You don't think this was because I filled it up with diesel do you?"  I said "Well, probably so, why did you fill it with diesel, doesn't it say unleaded fuel only on the instrument panel and the gas cap?"   She says "Well yes, but the diesel was cheaper, so I got that instead."  I asked how how she even did it because isn't the nozzle a different size designed not to fit in the tank, and she said yeah she thought that was strange but had just lined it up as best she could. 

3:  An irate woman called me saying how we had screwed up her reservation, swearing that she had booked a Chevy Suburban and when she got there it was just a Blazer and we had lied to her and screwed her over.  She was very very angry.  So I got her res number and looked it up, she had booked it herself on the internet and nobody at our end had ever touched it or altered in any way whatsoever.  I told her that and she said I was wrong and obviously lying and that she knew damn well she had booked a Suburban. 

Now this reservation was for a city location in Orlando FL, not one of the nearby airport locations.  I told her that we didn't even carry the Suburban in that state as they were a special vehicle that was only in the ski states and not available at all anywhere else and the website stated that very clearly.  She said once again that I was lying and that she knows they had Surburbans at that location, the website said it specifically.  I pulled the website up and looked, and it specifically said that they only carried up to the Blazer, and told her as much.  She said "well I don't know what's wrong with you because I am looking at the website right now and it clearly says that this is a suburban location. 

So I had to explain the meaning of the word suburban to her. 

Those are the worst ones, there are other staggering examples of stupidity, but those are the worst ones.  I still laugh about them sometimes.

#3 FTW

[phatzo]

I work in a local Nuts and Bolts store and over the last 15 years have become rather well known amongst local tradesmen, they send me all there apprentices with stupid requests, I have been asked for skyhooks, left handed screwdrivers, chequered paint and wood shrinker. One of these apprentices came in to see me about removing a broken stud one day. I started by informing him he will need to drill it out with a left hand drill bit to see if that would remove it before using a screw extractor. I could see his face cloud over with rage " All you f&c's think its funny picking on us new blokes wasting our time running around all day looking for stuff that doesn't exist!!". The apprentice walked out in disgust, about an hour later his boss dragged him back to my shop to appologize and buy the left handed drill and screw extractor.

[Delirium]

I work with a woman who is very naive, before I worked with her she never tasted coffee or knew anything vulgar pertaining to sex.

She told me she got told by the manager of a Kmart to watch her language. It turns out she was asking her husband for a certain color ornament for her Christmas tree and was shouting down the isle to her husband this phrase,

"Do you have blue balls?"

She didn't understand why her husband wouldn't answer her so she kept asking. Her husband wouldn't tell her so she asked me the problem with the statement, I had a little trouble explaining it to her. Luckily, the other co-workers helped out.

[deSelys]

I work in a local Nuts and Bolts store and over the last 15 years have become rather well known amongst local tradesmen, they send me all there apprentices with stupid requests, I have been asked for skyhooks, left handed screwdrivers, chequered paint and wood shrinker. One of these apprentices came in to see me about removing a broken stud one day. I started by informing him he will need to drill it out with a left hand drill bit to see if that would remove it before using a screw extractor. I could see his face cloud over with rage " All you f&c's think its funny picking on us new blokes wasting our time running around all day looking for stuff that doesn't exist!!". The apprentice walked out in disgust, about an hour later his boss dragged him back to my shop to appologize and buy the left handed drill and screw extractor.

 

[LYNX]

I worked at a Nissan car dealers here in the UK.  It's a Saturday and the pitch is swamped with punters after a week long advert campaign.  Us sales guys are dribbling like vaulter's.  In comes 2 lads with their bimbo girlfriends in an expensive Fiat sports car.  As I'm about to pounce on a likely looking punter these lads breeze by me and one goes "do you have a QX (sports car) on display."  Feeling obliged I takes em over to the car in the middle of the god darn show room and stuff a brochure in the guys hand who's asking.  Just about then my manager walks by and the other lad litrally talks over me to the manager.  "Can we take this for a test drive" the manger goes "sure...Steve (me) will get it out for you".  I'm like WTF    I've been with these lads about 3 minutes and I haven't had chance to qualify (sales speak for ascertaining the needs of the customer) the punter.  I'm throwing daggers at the sales manger.  

Anyways after moving 9 cars and putting them back we're off on the test drive.  The girlie's are left behind...no room.  Turns out the guy that's interested is up from London (like he's really going to buy a car 100 miles from his local dealer) visiting his former university buddy (the guy in the Fiat) who works as some kind of office geezer at Jaguar her in Coventry.  They also are short on time cause they want to watch the Cricket in 1 hour.  As I'm finding more stuff out I'm getting madder and madder with my manager and these knob heads, test (clarkson style) drivers who have no intention of buying a Nissan QX.   Their just tooling around.   waisting time before the Cricket.

In for a penny in for a pound ... I takes em on a long long test drive.  The dealership isn't allowed to clock more than 50 miles on a new car otherwise they have to register it .  The Fiat lad does nothing but slag the QX off on build quality compared to a freaking Jag...  IDIOT in a plastic rocket Fiat.  Then he's coming up with gems like "Oh feel the lag on the turbo"  "Oh it under steers" and the guy who's half interested in a Nissan QX starts agreeing with his mate.  I counter each objection then I start to be rude about the Fiats guy idea of build quality, torbo's, plastic Fiats, Jaguar cars and do they have Jaguar car money... hence the plastic Fiat.

Being on the bad end of smelly stick I'm feeling like kicking em out in the middle of the sticks and telling me boss what to do with his job.  I'm madder than a box of frogs on the inside but all cool on the outside.  I tell the customers I'll drive it the last 5 miles   Man ..I gunned the nuts off that QX.  The fiat guy was sliding from one side of the back seat to the other.  I get the real punter to white knuckle on the grab handle as I slammed the QX into a left hand 90 degree bend at over 60.  They are both screaming at me to slow down    Should have seen their faces    A real delight.  Keeping the pace up through the country lane I tell em "I was half expecting the QX to let loose on that curve"  The guy in the passenger seat looks at his mate like WTF.    Yep... the test drive from hell    

Back at the dealership the girlie's lay into their respective boyfriends for leaving em hanging around a dealership for 45 minutes  ...who have 5 minutes to get home to watch the cricket.    The QX which had 3 miles on it in the show room now has 42 miles.    I have a polite word with my manager about qualifying customers .....out on a bleedin jolly  

 

[danny76]

i spent 5 1/2 yrs as a police officer in Shropshire. There was a pub opposite the staion called the Severn Gorge, which was right next to the benefits office. People would go there with their benefits and 2 hours later would get nicked for D+D or public order.

Anyhoo, one day a fight broke out when i was on subdivisional response, and i decided rather than driving it would be quicker for me to run over the road to the pub and see what the deal is.

When i get there some drunken idiot is waving half a broken glass around, there's women screaming and shouting, one guys down and bleeding and two others are knocking seven bells out of each other.

I'm outnumbered about 10 to 1, and Glassin Jack is telling me to mind my own business, he's gonna cut me up, he pays my wages etc etc. When he approaches me i tell him to back off, then, after warning him, i spray him in the face with CS.

i've never heard anyone make such a fuss, guy is staggering around, screaming and howling, holding his face and yelling tirade's of abuse and foul language.

By this point the backup has arrived and were wrestling with the three or four combatants that are now milling around, this fool still screaming and crying in the background, begging for the antidote, on and on and on gimme the antidote pig bŁ$%%d, after explaining several times just to stand in the wind and let it blow off, one of my colleagues told this nut to hold out his hands, sprayed them with a liberal dose of cs, and said "rub this into your face", screams could be heard for miles 

[ebfd11]

I worked at a Dunkin Donuts when I was younger, and it was located in a plaza with a large grocery store in it. Well if you come in you are facing the store with an 8' lighted sign.

Its aprox 2 am when a steeering wheel holder (because he wasn't smart enuf to be a driver) comes in and asks how to get to that particular store. Now mind you he is facing it. Ohh and the sign is lit up.

I told him the easiest way to get to the store was jump in his truck, start it up go through the gears and when he hears a crash he is at the store.

Now thinking he was done he comes out and asks me ... Do I make a left or a right?? I ended up taking him outside and pointing the big red sign to him.

His response was are you sure that's shaws???

Uhhhhhhh duhhhhh. No its hannafords you dumb schleprock...

I still don't know if he found the store but I'm hoping.

[maddafinga]

after explaining several times just to stand in the wind and let it blow off, one of my colleagues told this nut to hold out his hands, sprayed them with a liberal dose of cs, and said "rub this into your face", screams could be heard for miles 

That's hilarious!

My uncle ran an electric supply shop, the type that sells to electricians and the public.  He told me last year about a guy who came in looking for a light switch cover that also had a cutout for an electrical outlet beside it, like you'd have on your bathroom light switch. It would be a plastic plate with a cutout for a light switch beside a round cutout for an electrical plug. Simple.  My uncle grabbed one for him, set it down on the counter and started to ring it up when the guy said that plate wouldn't work.  When my uncle asked why the guy said because his switch was on the other side of the outlet.  At that point my uncle had to look down at the ground because he was afraid he'd laugh right in the guy's face if he made eye contact, he reached out on the counter and spun the plate around 180 degrees.  The guy was too embarrassed to say anything at all.