LOL
I actually said it because Open Office has really advanced alot in the past couple of years. You can make it do what M$ Office Standard and other flavors can do with plugins.
Download Open Office then get the Thunderbird plugin for email/contacts and the Lightning plugin for scheduling and calander items. There are hundreds of other plugins available for most anything.
And some of them do work, sometimes, kind of,

Just kidding, they are fine for home use
