I remember one fondly...
"How do I keep from getting killed?"
After several attempts by people to convince the newb of "alt-f4" someone finally said
"don't get shot" 
Doesn't that seem like the logical answer?
when people ask that and im around, i just type "turn your aircraft"
shouldnt that be another logical response?
however, i cant help myself whenever i see "how do i get kills?"
i type "press alt+f4 for heat-seeking missiles" im guilty, i know
