-Foreplay is optional.
-Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
-Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
-You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
-You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
-You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
-Car mechanics tell you the truth.
-You don't give a rat's bellybutton if someone notices your new haircut.
-You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even
thinking: "He must be mad at me".
-The world is your urinal.
-You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to
leave you.
-You get to jump up and slap stuff.
-Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
-One mood, all the time.
-You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
-You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too
scary.
-You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
-You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
-Same work....more pay.
-Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
-You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
-Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
-You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
-With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population
in 15 tries, at least in theory.
-You don't mooch off others' desserts.
-If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
-The remote is yours and yours alone.
-People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
-ESPN's SportsCenter.
-You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
-Bachelor parties whomp bellybutton over bridal showers.
-You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
-You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
-You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
-If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your
friends you've changed.
-Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
-If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become
lifelong buddies.
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
-You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
-If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and
throw it across the room.
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
-Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
-You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
-Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
-Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So ... notice anything
different?"
-Baywatch
-There is always a game on somewhere.
