1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again.
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and tanks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or changing of the tides.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really!
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints are pointless.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
23. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
24. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
25. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
26. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how attractive you are?
27. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
28. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done -but not both.
29. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
30. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
31. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
32. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
33. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes
you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from
reading the magazines.
34. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
