Jokes

[Killer91]

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
 
Unique Up On It.
 
 
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
 
Tame Way.
 
 
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest  ?
 
They Take The Psychopath
 
 
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
 
You Boil The Hell Out Of It
 
 
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
 
Dam!
 
 
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
 
 
Polaroids
 
 
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
 
A Stick
 
 
 
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
 
 
Nacho Cheese.
 
 
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
 
Subordinate Clauses.
 
 
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
 
Quatro Cinco.
 
 
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
 
Spoiled Milk.
 
 
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
 
Frostbite.
 
 
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
 
A Nervous Wreck.
 
 
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
 
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
 
 
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
 
Right Where You Left Him.
 
 
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
 
Because They Have Big Fingers.
 
 
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
 
Because It Scares The Dog.
 
 
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
 
Sanka.
 
 
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
 
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
 
 
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
 
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.
 
 
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
 
A Bad Golfer Goes,  Whack.   "Dang! "
 
A Bad Skydiver Goes,  " Dang!"  Whack. 
 
 
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
 
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

[Serenity]

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
 
Unique Up On It.
 
 
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
 
Tame Way.

This has been surprisingly successful at getting me second dates

[texasmom]

lol

[bagrat]

This has been surprisingly successful at getting me second dates

speakin of gettin dates this pick up line doesnt work....surprisingly

how much does a polar bear weigh?........enough to break the ice, hi im bagrat

[Serenity]

speakin of gettin dates this pick up line doesnt work....surprisingly

how much does a polar bear weigh?........enough to break the ice, hi im bagrat

If you go to the right spots, this one HAS worked once:

"Are you pregnant? No? Can I help you with that?"

But the rare one, if you wear the right clothes, have the glasses, and the balls to actually pull it off, (I've only done it twice...), if the girl goes for it, she is PERFECT:

walk up behind the girl, tap her on the shoulder, "excuse me, miss.."

Have a buddy step in like he is going to tell you off, blocking you while you duck down, fix your hair quickly, and don your aviators...

and pop up with "You never close your eyes, anymore when I kiss, your lips..."

The last time I did this, I was smart and did it at a restaurant near my airfield, surrounded by people I knew, so it played out flawlessly. Took the girl there, we weren't dating, just sorta friends, but I could tell she was interested in me. She got the reference, and I never let her go! lol

[FYB]

If you go to the right spots, this one HAS worked once:

"Are you pregnant? No? Can I help you with that?"

But the rare one, if you wear the right clothes, have the glasses, and the balls to actually pull it off, (I've only done it twice...), if the girl goes for it, she is PERFECT:

walk up behind the girl, tap her on the shoulder, "excuse me, miss.."

Have a buddy step in like he is going to tell you off, blocking you while you duck down, fix your hair quickly, and don your aviators...

and pop up with "You never close your eyes, anymore when I kiss, your lips..."

The last time I did this, I was smart and did it at a restaurant near my airfield, surrounded by people I knew, so it played out flawlessly. Took the girl there, we weren't dating, just sorta friends, but I could tell she was interested in me. She got the reference, and I never let her go! lol

Yeah okay, man, after that compulsive lier thread i honestly wouldn't believe anything you say, doesn't matter how many years have passed.

[68ZooM]

Yeah okay, man, after that compulsive lier thread i honestly wouldn't believe anything you say, doesn't matter how many years have passed.

 

[fbWldcat]

A cop is sitting at a checkpoint, minding his own business. A car comes around the curve, flooring it. The cop turns on the lights, puts the car in gear and chases the car. Soon the car slows down and parks on the shoulder. The cop gets out and walks up to the driver and says "son, you are speeding really bad, but it is close to the end of my shift and if you can give me a good reason as to why you were speeding that I haven't heard before, I'll let you go."

The man replied... "Well, you all took my wife away last week, and I thought you were trying to give her back to me."


Dumb Blonde joke (I don't believe in dumb blondes)

A cops pulls over a blonde doing 100 in a 65. He walks up to her vehicle and asks to see her liscence.

The Blonde replied "Well that's just like you all, isn't it? You take away my liscence last week and expect me to show it to you now."

[Serenity]

Yeah okay, man, after that compulsive lier thread i honestly wouldn't believe anything you say, doesn't matter how many years have passed.

lol. Talk to Tupac, he's met the girl in question.

[FYB]

lol. Talk to Tupac, he's met the girl in question.

I'd rather not talk to your shade account. In any matter, you've got no proof, and what will Tupac say, "Oh yes, he's not lying."?

EDIT: The ending of the second sentence was to be a question mark.

[Meatwad]

Q: Whats worse then compulsive liars?

A: Compulsive ankle humpers

I must of missed something totally funny somewhere

[USRanger]

[AAJagerX]

No kidding...   

[Dragon]

[JB42]

Mushroom walks into a bar and sits down for a drink. The bartender notices he looks a little bummed out and asks " Hey, whats wrong buddy?". The mushroom explains to the bartender that his girlfriend just broke up with him. Bartender replies, " That's too bad, you look like a fun guy."