Jokes

[FYB]

Mushroom walks into a bar and sits down for a drink. The bartender notices he looks a little bummed out and asks " Hey, whats wrong buddy?". The mushroom explains to the bartender that his girlfriend just broke up with him. Bartender replies, " That's too bad, you look like a fun guy."

[fbWldcat]

Bump.

Hooootttt Pocket.

That's all I got, I know, I know, keep my day job. But any way, bump. Lets see... 

[boxboy28]

how you make a kleenx dance?

Put a little buggy in it!

[Belial]

A man walks into a bar with his friend and notices and gorgeous girl at the bar..

He nods to his friend who replies.."Man I heard she has HEP"

Man sighs and nods heading to sit down....

















































3 minutes later....Umm  B or C?

[Nwbie]

I was so depressed last night thinking about botched Health Care
reform, looming Social Security, staggering unemployment, the lack of
economic recovery, the wars, eviscerated retirement funds ~ I called a
Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call
center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got ...excited and
asked if I could drive a truck.





 

[bagrat]

a hillbilly decides he and his sister can't afford to have any more children, so she suggests he get a vasectomy. He agrees and goes to the Dr.
The Dr. tells him how much it costs, the hill billy replies "i can't afford that, there has to be a cheaper way. The doc replies wells what u can do is take a cherry bomb put it in a can hold it up to your ear and count to 10. The hillbilly says "now hold on doc, im no genius but i dont see how holdin a cherry bomb to my ear will help my problem". The doc says "trust me it will work.

So the man goes home gets a can puts the lit cherry bomb inside the can, and holds it to his ear as he begins to count.
1
2
3
4
5
the hillbilly runs out of fingers to count with and places the can between his legs and proceeds to count with his other hand.

[Killer91]

 

Those were great!

[flight17]

At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot
of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and
every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the IRS, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

[bagrat]

ohhhhh AAAHAAAA!