Banana shaped world

[BrownBaron]

Teams have been dispatched in hopes of finding a virgin calf.  Despite abject failure to locate one in Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Georgia, and Florida, we remain cautiously optimistic.  

Have your teams considered the 100 per cent true statement, "A happy cow is a Californian cow", ?

[Dichotomy]

I had a report on that here on my desk.  Let me look *hmmmm* ya here it is.  'The high levels of THC found in the urine in the bovines from California is chemically unstable and, while it has an effect on the seismic activity, it seems to do so much more slowly than the urine of other cows.'

Bad luck that  

[BrownBaron]

I had a report on that here on my desk.  Let me look *hmmmm* ya here it is.  'The high levels of THC found in the urine in the bovines from California is chemically unstable and, while it has an effect on the seismic activity, it seems to do so much more slowly than the urine of other cows.'

Bad luck that  

How unfortunate. Perhaps India would be a good place to check next?

[Dichotomy]

Not a bad idea.  We could possibly get tech support out of them as well 

[Meatwad]

Teams have been dispatched in hopes of finding a virgin calf.  Despite abject failure to locate one in Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Georgia, and Florida, we remain cautiously optimistic.  

Edit: This just in.  In unrelated research we've discovered that some women weigh the same as a duck. 

I have seen a few that have the same weight of a duck.....apparently they are made of wood for some bizarre reason

[Dichotomy]

yes but what conclusion can we draw if a woman is made of wood and weighs the same as a duck?

[Tupac]

yes but what conclusion can we draw if a woman is made of wood and weighs the same as a duck?

If she weighs the same as a duck, then she must be a witch!

[Meatwad]

A witch!?  BURN HER!!!

[phatzo]

[Dichotomy]

But she says she's not a witch 

[Meatwad]

But she looks like one. And she has a wart too

[Dichotomy]

Yes but she claims that 'they' dressed her up like that.  Much like the Illuminati the insidious 'They' conspirators seem to be everywhere and nowhere all of the time.  'They' say a lot but nobody can ever pin a single member much less their leaders down and make them take a position.  Even Coast to Coast am has no solid evidence that actually proves that 'They' exist.  Yet so many people apparently have fallen victim to their brainwashing campaign.   I'm worried... truly worried...   

[Meatwad]

"They" denied it at first, but later under severe pressure "they" admitted that she was dressed up a bit

[Plawranc]

We are slightly concerned that Coconuts are now considered an effective mode of transport.

Also we are baffled at the fact that Knights in armour and Swallows seem to have a universal fixation with eachother.

Shrubberies went up in demand and verbal terrorism is on the rise. NHI

[Dichotomy]

Well it's a sad day at research central.  I have to give Roger his release.  It seems he circulated a memo directing a visiting dignitary to, and I quote, 'cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring'.  This is a serious institute and we have no room for that kind of silliness.