You make an outrageous claim, Llogan. I'm not the troll, you are.
How can you tell me that 1 out of every 17 internet gamers that have tried the 2-week trial and had the ALT-F4 joke pulled on them never returned?
You have not done a survey of them, because you don't know how many, how frequently it happens, or the demographics of the people it happens to. You can't know any of this. You can't track them down after they quit to ask them why they quit, and make a note on your spreadsheet, because, frankly, none of this can happen.
It's an impossible claim to back up.
As for your original wish: stupid idea. Sounds like you're sour at somebody for pulling it on you, and nothing else.