Attention : All RFC Airmen
These orders just in from GOC RFC Maj Gen H. Trenchard
Our RFC frontline aircraft are of the highest quality. His Majesty's Government has invested hundreds of pounds on each unit. Henceforth RFC airmen are to cease referring to them as 'old buckets', 'flying coffins', 'heaps of crap' and the like. Similarly, His Majesty's Government has invested fourteen pounds five shillings and twopence on the very best flying training for each and every one of you, and I will not tolerate further dissent, complaint, lack of fighting spirit or in many cases outright mutiny and desertion. In particular the use of your service issue revolvers as a means of inflicting minor debilitating wounds to the feet prior to or during routine patrols is not acceptable. This is a fight for democracy and anyone not willing to do his duty and die for the cause will be courtmarshalled and shot.
Rumours abound regarding the arrival at the Front of several so called 'aces' flying the now obsolete Fokker Dr.1 triplane. Our intelligence informs us that this aircraft type, having only been manufactured in small numbers, is no longer flying operationally due to depletion and obsolesence. Furthermore the Sopwith F.1 and Bristol F.2b are superior machines in any case, and panic among the squadrons due to imaginative reports of Hun 'aces' like 'Ehre' and 'iwlf' is a cowardly over reaction to newspaper propaganda and laughable Hun posturing. A rumour came recently to my ears that each of these men were routinely claiming 7, 8 or even 9 victories in a single sortie. I have conferred with the designers of our own fine aircraft, our training staff, and my personal spiritualist who all assure me that this is impossible. The failure to return of all those RFC aircraft purported to have been shot down on these occassions is clearly due to desertion of those foul and cowardly airmen entrusted with their care and rightful use of taking the fight to the enemy and giving him a good black eye, by thunder. Another glass of sherry steward. Dam and blast these breeches. No corporal don't type that up you damn fool.
As a result no RFC aircraft are to be allowed on patrol alone. Each patrol will now consist of one Sopwith F.1 and one Bristol F.2b. The Sopwith will lead the patrol with the F.2b flying to the rear with gun cocked and at the ready. Any sign of treachery from the Sopwith pilot is to be dealt with accordingly. The observer/gunner of the F.2b will likewise aim his weapon at his pilot and any sign of treachery from him will be dealt with in similar fashion. Should the gunner himself become unmanned the pilot of the F.2b is to despatch him with his service revolver. Empty the blasted magazine I should say. Blasted cowardly observers, too damn yellow to fly the thing themselves, never did trust them. No don't type that either dammit. By thunder put yourself on report you damn fool.
In this manner the RFC will prosecute the air war to it's final conclusion: the elimination of all inferior Hun aircraft and an end to the nonsense of rumours that abound surrounding these so called 'immortal' aces in their ridiculous little triplanes.
The practice of urinating in the cockpit will cease immediately. Fluids seep into the joints of the timbers rendering the glue useless and several airmen have fallen through the cockpit floor to their deaths as a result.
Message ends.
