Some nights ya just can't sleep... May as well post in the O'Club. :)

[AAJagerX]

Anyhoo, this is something I wrote a few years back.  Hope some of ya get a laugh or two out of it.   

 

A reset button.  Somedays don't ya just wish you could have one?  An amazing little thing that you could use in the situation where you've done something amazingly stupid...  Here's a few examples of situations where a reset button would be very handy...

"How do you like my new Ferrari, Mr. Gangbanger?"     
Reset.

"Hey, let's go explore the creepy forest....Naked!"
Reset.

"Wow Mr. Smith, those gymnastics lessons you sent your daughter to really paid off!"
Reset.

"I bet I could jump that (insert dangerous object or area) no prob!"
Reset.

"Your sister was better."
Reset.

(At a wedding reception, giving a speech.) "Before Bobby met Jane, he was such a player....  I mean WOW, he had a membership to that clinic!"
Reset.

"Sorry officer, I just can't drive the speed limit with all this coke in my system."
Reset.

"Your Honor, I knew that something was amiss when my armadillo rocket went through the window of that plane.  I'll aim better next time"
Reset.

"WOW, your Mom's hot...  How close ARE you two?"
Reset.

"HEY FELLERS, WATCH THIS!!!"
Reset.

"HA, black belts are for pansies!"
Reset.

"I'll just put a penny under my tongue.  That'll work."
Reset.

"Wow Ms. Bobbit, you're one sexy beast!"
Reset.

"Aww, that pit bull ate some Alka-Seltzer...  Let's go pet him."
Reset.

"That Bear is as scared of you as you are of him."
Reset.

"Nah, that's not poison Oak."
Reset.

"I didn't think it'd do 130 either officer, pretty cool huh?"
Reset.

"Yeah, that outfit does make you look fat."
Reset.

I think you get the point.  I'm sure you'll all agree that a reset button would be one of the most monumental inventions of all time.  Now all we have to do is figure out how to take them off of the video game systems and integrate them into daily life.  I think super glue is the key.  I'll do some experimenting (on other people) and let ya know how it all works out.  And remember, you'll never take a baseball in the groin when you have a cup on, but the day you decide you don't need it....  Well, you know what happens next.
Reset.
 
Thanks for reading,

Joe (AAJagerX)

[AAJagerX]

     The first two bikes approach the line.  The cars have just finished their round.  As if on que everyone thumbs their start buttons.  The sound permeates my very soul...  A brassy rumbling that sounds like an orchestra recreating an earthquake.  I can hardly breathe.  The exhaust fumes are everywhere.  
     It's hot...  Approaching 100 degrees, and the black asphalt absorbed it all day long, making the temperature closer to 120.  I'm about halfway back in the pack of 50 or so bikes, so I have a couple of minutes.  I go through my equipment for the third time...  Laces tucked inside my boots.  Pant pockets zipped and the zipper attaching my pants to my jacket is fully closed.  All of my jacket pockets are shut tight with zippers and velcro straps.  All of my protective inserts are in the right places in my jacket.  I check my elbows, shoulders, chest, lower back, upper back, and neck...  All good.  
     I'm getting closer to the front of the line now...  Only 10 back.  I don my gloves and secure them to my jacket sleeves.  Finally I slide my helmet over my sweat soaked face...  I got pretty sunburnt today, but it's 9 o'clock and the sun set just a few minutes before I rolled up to the staging area.  I strap my helmet on tight and give it a hard shake for good measure.  I close my chrome visor so I can be alone for these last few minutes.  I pray.  I ask God to protect all the riders here this day and keep everyone safe during this run.  
     Only 4 back from the start now.  I'm dripping sweat now from all the heat and adrenaline.  I hear my heart start thumping louder than my engine.  I'm next in the burnout box.  I drew tower lane, so I'm closest to the grandstand...  Wow, there's so many people!  The box man waves me and the bike next to me in.  I turn toward the other rider and give him a nod.  He returns it and we start moving simultaneously...  We pull toward the box where we'll power-brake our bikes and heat our tires up for the run.
     It's tough to hear inside the helmet, especially over the rumbling engines and the wild crowd that came out today.  Over all of that I hear the track announcer as he introduces the rider in the far lane.  He's from somewhere in Texas.  He lights up his tire and smoke drifts away from the rear of his bike...  Not a huge burnout, as he cuts his throttle and rolls slowly toward the starting lines.  
Right then I hear, "In the Wichita International Raceway Tower lane"... That's my que... I light my rear tire up with enthusiasm, the smoke completely engulfing myself and my bike...  With the tire smoke still creating a foul grey cloud beneath the track lights, I flip the switch to turn on my neons.  As the cloud of smoke rolls over, completely obscuring me and my bike from view it's suddenly illuminated in a bright electric blue.  
     The announcer continues... "From Salina, Kansas, riding the Kawasaki Ninja ZX-7R..."SMOKIN" JOE LOPEZ...  He's putting on a show for ya, let him hear it everyone!"  The crowd of roughly 10,000 roars.  I end my burnout, leaving the neon lights blazing and roll towards the line.  My heart is beating about 165 beats per minute and it feels like it wants to jump right out of my chest by now.  
     I stop just short of the starting lines, which consist of two light beams: Pre-stage, and Stage.  Pre-stage is first, which lets the rider know he's close and needs to be ready to hit the full stage beam.  Full-Stage lets the tower controller know that the rider is in the starting position and ready to let loose.  Just short of the pre-stage beam I flip my visor up and let the last of the tire smoke out of my helmet.  I close it again with a quick motion and raise my right hand pointing to above.  I roll forward.  The crowd is going crazy.  I wish the turnout was this good every Saturday night.  
     On the starting tree, my pre-stage light goes on.  Everything goes completely quiet.  The crowd and my engine is roaring, but all I can hear is my heart beating.  The rider in the far lane has pre-staged, and is now fully-staged and ready, his engine screaming as he increases his throttle.  Good, I'm staging after he is.  I wait, letting him think for a few extra seconds to throw his timing off.  I advance my throttle until it's bouncing near the 9,000 RPM mark.  Watching my staging lights, I creep forward until my fully staged light blazes yellow.  The lights will come down as three yellows then green.  
     I ready myself for the hole-shot...
First yellow...
Tunnel vision kicks in.  
Second yellow...
I ready myself by crouching low on the bike's fuel tank.
     Then, as the third yellow light illuminates it's brightest, I slide my finger down the clutch lever, slipping the clutch as I wind the engine up to 13,000 RPM.  Green.  We both let loose.  
     The initial shock of blinding acceleration throws me back against the passenger seat.  The front wheel of my bike becomes airborne, climbing toward the track lights.  The bike screams through first gear in a heartbeat.  The front wheel creeps back toward the track as I shift to second.  Watching my tachometer, I let the engine redline as I roll through the gears.  Third gear.  I pass through 120 mph, speedometer needle climbing quickly.  I see the finish line coming fast toward me.  Fourth gear.  I pass through 145 MPH.  Only a second or two left.  I sneak a look behind me.  The other rider didn't get a great start but is coming up within 20 feet of my tail, it's gonna be really close.  Fifth gear.  I pass through 160 MPH, and right to 165 as I cross the finish line with the other rider only a few feet behind me.  
     I look up at the win lights positioned about 50 yards after the finish line...  Mine glows a beautiful green.  I've won.  I downshift and brake hard as I'm screaming my lungs out inside of my helmet as the turn off for the return road comes close.  The other rider and I both take the same turn while he brings his bike beside mine as we ride back to the pit area.  We both reach out, bump fists, and give each other a curt nod.  It's all done now.  As I pull into my pit area my cousin takes my helmet and hands me my time sheet.  A good run, not great but good.  I throw my leg over the bike and walk toward the cooler for a cold drink.  As the adrenaline starts to wear off I think to myself...  That's one down, but the finals are another 4 hours away.  Just another Saturday night at the track.
 
This was what I lived for during two summers while I lived in Kansas.  It was one of the greatest times of my life, and I'll never forget the excitement of racing and the great people I met while I was there.
Thanks,
 
Joe
AAJagerX

[5anders]

The initial shock of blinding acceleration throws me back against the passenger seat.  The front wheel of my bike becomes airborne, climbing toward the track lights.

You were in the side car?  Just kidding man very good reads. 

[Dichotomy]

very nice read <S>

[Simaril]

I've got this 85 year old, 100 pound woman who I've had in the practice for years and years. She always comes alone, and she's one of those "everything's fine, doc - we don't need to do this or that" kind of lady.

Last time she came with her daughter, and it came out that this little old lady used to drag race professionally!!

Best memory was when she beat her "ex-son-in-law". She said by the time she got home her answering machine was packed with congradulations and gloating messages from friends...

Even after these years, must be rough for the guy to know he was beaten by a woman who was 25 years older than him!