no!! not what you're thinking.
i walked out the flight line to my p-38g. some guy in a SAPP uniform that i'd never seen before comes running up to me yelling. CAP!! here!! they told me to give this to you.
what is it? i asked him? he replies i dunno. they just told me to give it to ya, and to tell ya to plug it into your spare headset jack.
they didn't tell you anything? nosir he replies. i look at it. it has 2 weirdly shaped arms, and 3 little shiny round things. it feels kinda flimsy, are they sure it'll hold up in combat? and where do i mount it? he says they said to mount it to my headset.
i figure what the hell? it must be something to help me against the enemy, so i mount it up on the left side of my headset, and plug them both in. in hindsight, the fact that he kept saying "they" rather than using a name should've been a warning.
i roll down the runway in my trusty p-38 lighting....the cadillac of the skies in my opinion. climb out to angels 10, on a solo patrol up the slot. there wasn't supposed to me too much going on, and the weather was beautiful.
then i see it....a flicker out at my 9 o'clock, co-alt. i jettisoned my external tanks, and turned into the con. we merged, and passed close. it was a zero. these things are nimble, but a p-38 flown right is more than a match for them.
it looks like i got him....he's rolling, i'm chopping throttles to stay behind him......
suddenly, i don't see him. i swing my head around looking for him, but something's going weird. views that are normally good are weirded out now. what the hell happened? wait!! there he is!! but........CRAP! he's coming right at me! i stand o the rudder, and we pass within mere feet of each other, his guns blazing.......
i try to look over my shoulder as he passes, but dammit!! i can't see him again!! who the hell put that dam headrest there?! gonna give those ground guys a piece of my mind when i get back.
dam!! there he is, comin down on my 6 hard.......i try to pull up out of his guns.....
i was too late though......
so i turned on the #1 smoke machine(it uses extra engine oil for the added benefit of smearing his windscreen), and tried throwing parts at him......
it was then that i realized that i didn't have any extra engine oil, and that i needed those particular parts that i threw at him. next time i'll throw a high heel at him instead.
my ride down in the chute was a long one. it gave me time to think. that guy i've never seen before.........he HAD to have been a muppet. they've been jealous of us SAPP guys for awhile now. i think they envy our extra engines.
i'll be having a chat with our security chief about this.
thanks to crazy for the ahem......"help", and for the 1-1 fights and screenies.