Author Topic: Funny Jokes needed ASAP  (Read 1021 times)

Offline Vudu15

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2011, 05:51:49 AM »
I approve this thread...... :devil :cheers: :bolt:
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Offline chaser

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2011, 07:46:20 AM »
This thread went South in less than one page lol

Offline helbent

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2011, 11:08:07 AM »
I was out walking my dog and passing a tennis court I find a tennis ball.  So I picked it up, put it in my pocket and walked on.  I passed a man who points at my pocket and says JESUS!! WTF is that??  I say its a tennis ball.  He says, Damnit man ive had tennis elbow before, that must hurt like a bich!!!!
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Offline 2ADoc

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2011, 11:14:33 AM »
This blond calls 911 in a panic, "help, help, my house is burning,". The operator replies,"you are on a cell phone ma'am.  Were do you live?". The blonde of course replies, "Right across the street".  After a face palm, the operator asks," ma'am how do we get to your house?". To this the blond indignantly replies,"In the big red truck, DUH."
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Offline helbent

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2011, 11:30:20 AM »
long, gonna have to paraphrase

A small school on the texas mexico border, all mexicans and 1 american lil jhonny, friday morn teacher says ok class we are going to have some history quest today.  If you get it right, you get to go home early and have an extended weekend.

Q 1, which american pres freed the slaves?

lil johnny i know i know, teacher says maria, who freed the slaves.  Maria says abe lincoln, very good maria have a nice long weekend.

Q 2, which pres chopped down the cherry tree?

lil johnny i know i know...  teacher says  Miguel who chopped it down, miguel says george wash teachr, very good miguel you get to go home and have a nice long weekend.

Q3  who was the first man on the moon?

lil johnny, I KNOW I KNOW PICK ME PICK ME.  Teacher says Jose...jose says neil armstrong, very good jose you get to go home early and have a nice long weekend

Little Johnny is getting pst now.  He puts his head on his desk and screams out "Where in the F did all these Mexicans come from??"

Teacher stands up and asks "Who said where in the fk did all these Mexicans come from???   ........Little Johnny?

Little Johnny stands up and says ,"Davey Crocket teacher, have a nice weekend."
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Never argue with an idiot.  They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Offline Treize69

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #20 on: December 16, 2011, 11:47:37 AM »
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud . He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.."

The cowboy rep......lies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
Treize (pronounced 'trays')- because 'Treisprezece' is too long and even harder to pronounce.

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Offline 2ADoc

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #21 on: December 16, 2011, 12:07:43 PM »
Two gentlemen graduate from Texas A&M with their degrees in engineering.  Tey decide that since the bungee jumping business is a small but prosperous line of work they should take their degrees and put them to work.  Tey pool their money and buy the rig and tower, now they come to the hard part, trying to figure out where to install it and set up shop.  They realize that it is going to be hard to find someplace in the states because all the good places are taken.  They decide to go to mexico city and set up shop there.  Tey move their equipment to Mexico City and erect the tower, three months after they graduated, they are ready to try it for the first time.  They flip a coin, Bubba gets to take the first dive,  Junior fastens him up and wishes him luck.  They look down and the crowd of people is huge, Bubba says this is gonna make us rich, look at all those people and he jumps.  On the rebound Junior notices that he has some bruises on him, on the second bounce Junior sees that he is really bruised, so Junior reels Bubba in. "Bubba what happened!?, How was it!?".  Bubba replies, "It was great, but what the he// is a piņata.
Takeoffs are optional, landings aren't
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See Rule 4, 13, 14.

Offline B-17

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2011, 12:09:30 PM »
This thread went South in less than one page lol

Nah.... Didn't go south until the cowboys came in :D

Offline cattb

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #23 on: December 16, 2011, 03:11:01 PM »
What do Bull Sperm and a Politcian have in common.

Answer
1 in a 1000 work.
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Offline ZetaNine

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2011, 03:30:02 PM »
this happens to be my fav joke in the last year... the visual still cracks me up:



Q:  WHAT IS THE WORST THING A WOMAN WHO JUST GAVE WILLIE NELSON A **** JOB CAN HEAR?
























A:  "UMMMMMM.........I'M NOT REALLY WILLIE NELSON"

Offline 2ADoc

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #25 on: December 16, 2011, 11:53:53 PM »
So after coming home from the war, the radio station wanted to interview the local fighter pilot.  The radio guy asks the Army Air Corp pilot what what his most dangerous mission was.  The aviator replies,"well it was a long range escort mission for out bomber boys.  We were deep in German territory, I looked out the right side and there were about 30 Fokkers, I looked out the left side and there were about 20 Fokkers, I didn't know what we were gonna do.". The radio announcer pipes up, worried about the censors, and explains," ladies and gentleman Fokkers are a type of plane.".  The Air Corp pilot then explains," Yep, and those Fokkers were Messerschmitts." 

I know it is a great joke, but supposedly that really happened.
Takeoffs are optional, landings aren't
Vini Vedi Velcro
See Rule 4, 13, 14.

Offline 2ADoc

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2011, 08:01:29 PM »
A guy walks into the optometrist.  After a few minutes the doctor calls him into the examining room.  The doctor says to the guy,"You have got to quit masterbating.". The guy gets a worried look on his face,"Why doc am I going blind?". "No" the doctor replies,"you are disturbing my other patients."
Takeoffs are optional, landings aren't
Vini Vedi Velcro
See Rule 4, 13, 14.

Offline titanic3

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Re: Funny Jokes needed ASAP
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2011, 08:18:08 PM »
A guy walks into the optometrist.  After a few minutes the doctor calls him into the examining room.  The doctor says to the guy,"You have got to quit masterbating.". The guy gets a worried look on his face,"Why doc am I going blind?". "No" the doctor replies,"you are disturbing my other patients."

 :lol, I think I've heard something similar to this before, still cracks me up.

Another one of my favorite, as corny as corny can get.

What's brown and sticky?

A Stick.

  the game is concentrated on combat, not on shaking the screen.

semp