ok somebody put superglue in the vaseline... Anybody know a good noodle surgeon?
Acetone works great for getting stuck fingers from superglue, unstuck. Acetone can be purchased from a paint dealer. I always have a quart of it handy. Do not use it near open flame and best outside. As to being naked outside? Ever been a hippie? Ah, the 60's...
Acetone on your privates might get your attention.
Ask any ER nurse about this mishap, be it accidental or deliberate. I knew a guy's girlfriend that did this to him to get revenge while he was sleeping. My nurse friend thought it was hilarious.