I would like to say I know what you are going through.....but when I was a kid........ I wanted my "mom" to die....she was not worthy to be called a "mom" in any way shape or form.
so if you have a mom that took care of you....which I am guessing you did......I am sorry for the pain, I did have a brother that died so I do know the pain....remember the good times...be thankful you had a mom that loved you......you will see her again...I assure you....don't lose heart.... stay strong.
Paul