Author Topic: If these are true...  (Read 755 times)

Offline flight17

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1612
If these are true...
« on: April 13, 2013, 05:15:52 PM »
If these are you're, we are DOOMED!


Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,
and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(Keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'
119th Riffle Tank Regiment leader -Red Storm Krupp Steel Scenario

Active Member of Air Heritage Inc. http://airheritage.org/

Offline 800nate800

  • Nickel Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 710
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2013, 06:15:30 PM »
Ok good DumbAS**** arnt just in my age group....  :furious  :O :neener:
former squeaker, but you wont 1v1 about it
Most my friends are banned......
Kommando Nowotny

Offline TOMCAT21

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1648
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2013, 06:55:28 PM »
 :lol
RETIRED US Army/ Flying and dying since Tour 80/"We're paratroopers, Lieutenant, we're supposed to be surrounded." - Capt. Richard Winters.  FSO 412th FNVG/MA- REGULATORS

Offline skorpx1

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1130
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2013, 07:00:14 PM »
The last one.

Gold.

:rofl

Offline Volron

  • Platinum Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 5805
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2013, 07:02:27 PM »
 :rofl
Quote from: hitech
Wow I find it hard to believe it has been almost 38 days since our last path. We should have release another 38 versions by now  :bhead
HiTech
Quote from: Pyro
Quote from: Jolly
What on Earth makes you think that i said that sir?!
My guess would be scotch.

Offline GScholz

  • Plutonium Member
  • *******
  • Posts: 8910
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2013, 07:44:52 PM »
A few years ago a buddy of mine was working as tow-truck driver (roadside assistance or what you call it). He got a call from an upset lady who had stopped her car because a warning light came up on her dashboard. My buddy drove to the site, checked the warning light on her dash, turned off the high-beams, and charged her 50 bucks for showing up.  :confused:
"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."

Offline mbailey

  • Platinum Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 5677
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2013, 07:50:44 PM »
I knew it was all going down hill, when i saw whats being passed off as a KLONDIKE bar now adays......   :lol
« Last Edit: April 13, 2013, 07:52:59 PM by mbailey »
Mbailey
80th FS "Headhunters"

Ichi Go Ichi E
Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

When the game is over, the Kings and Pawns all go into the same box.

Offline narsus

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 832
      • http://www.blueknightsdvb.com
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2013, 07:59:52 PM »
True Story

About 10 years ago I was working as a programmer for a marketing company. The receptionist was about 20 years old and pretty attractive. One day she was on her hands and knees on the floor (great view BTW) sorting some papers. I turned away from typing to talk to her.

I asked: "What are you doing?"
she said: "Sorting clients by state."
me: "You're going to have a bunch of piles."
her response: "Yeah, 52"

I turned back to my monitor.


Offline MarineUS

  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2679
      • Imperial Legion
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2013, 08:33:52 PM »
 :rofl :rofl :rofl :aok
Like, ya know, when that thing that makes you move, it has pistons and things, When your thingamajigy is providing power, you do not hear other peoples thingamajig when they are providing power.

HiTech

Offline phatzo

  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3734
      • No Crying
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2013, 09:04:48 PM »
Ok good DumbAS**** arnt just in my age group....  :furious  :O :neener:
generally speaking no but Darwin usually sorts them out.
No thank you Turkish, I'm sweet enough.

Offline guncrasher

  • Plutonium Member
  • *******
  • Posts: 17425
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2013, 11:33:47 PM »
heard them all back in the 80's and they're all fake.  still funny though.

when I worked at the insurance company this good friend of mine used to tell me when how everybody was so nice to her when she started.  I told her it was because when she sat down in front of anybody we could see her skirt was so short we could see her underwear  :banana:.

semp
you dont want me to ho, dont point your plane at me.

Offline icepac

  • Platinum Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 7310
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2013, 11:48:44 PM »
True story.

I have heard people vigorously proposing conspiracy theories that violate the rules of basic physics.

Offline Dragon Tamer

  • Persona Non Grata
  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2047
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2013, 12:02:37 AM »
generally speaking no but Darwin usually sorts them out.

It doesn't always seem to work fast enough though does it...

Offline zack1234

  • Plutonium Member
  • *******
  • Posts: 13217
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2013, 04:12:58 AM »
I had a bloke from Ireland saying he had stapled the second page to the first while faxing it and wanted know why we had not received second page.

He rang up once saying he was receiving our faxes, i asked him did his fax have paper in it!

He said no, after a 30 second pause i said can you put some paper in it and he did, he then said its working now. :old: 

I went to Ireland and was amazed how the lack of urgency in the work place was a cultural thing :old:

There are no pies stored in this plane overnight

                          
The GFC
Pipz lived in the Wilderness near Ontario

Offline branch37

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1831
      • VF-17 Jolly Rogers
Re: If these are true...
« Reply #14 on: April 14, 2013, 11:56:50 AM »
True story:

I went to McDonald's and asked for a half-pounder instead of a double quarter pounder.  They never did figure it out.

CMDR Branch37
VF-17 Jolly Rogers  C.O.