I'd be upset/disappointed/mad enough to:
Get a lawyer.
Get a restraining order to keep him away from your daughter and your property.
Get a restraining order / injunction freezing transfers in and out of financial accounts, preventing new accounts from being opened, or old ones being closed.
Consider legal action to preserve evidence, such as getting phone records, emails, and text messages. That info is all available even if "deleted", you may just need the right court order to preserve it.
Inventory all of your property, including "yours", "hers", and "ours". If anything is missing, file an immediate police report for theft.
Check your credit report and if you see anything unusual, file an immediate identity theft report. If she (or the new guy) did anything in your name without the right authority or power of attorney, get that reported as fraud or identity theft.
Remove all weapons from the house and store in a safe/legal place.
Seek advice from military legal counsel since mil pay/benefits may be affected if you don't do things right.
If you want to save the marriage, immediately seek counseling with the wife. If she won't go, hire the nastiest divorce lawyer you can find and ensure that you are able to participate in your daughter's life and don't get ripped off financially since it was her choice to jump ship.
If she gets confrontational, get out before it escalates because even if she assaults YOU and you just sit there taking a beating, when the cops show up you're still going to be the one going to jail, losing your firearms and military qualifications, losing access to your daughter, etc.
Step one, hiring a good lawyer, ought to lead to many of these steps if they're doing their job properly. You have every right to protect yourself and ensure you can participate in the lives of your children without getting financially ripped off.
