Butcher you have nothing but my deepest sympathies. I lost my father almost a year ago to Stage 4 Colon cancer. It was found very late and despite him having almost a foot of his colon removed and many rounds of Chemo the Cancer ended up getting the best of him. He was 63.
Last spring I had a Colonoscopy done. After seeing what my dad went through I wasn't about to wait until I was 50. At 36 years old they found nine polyps in me, most of which tested "pre-cancerous" - meaning that if I had waited until I was 50 it would have likely been too late. Right near the end when my Dad couldn't handle the chemo anymore and agreed to hospice care he told me that it was all worth it to him knowing that he probably saved my life. My Dad was by far the most selfless man I've ever known.
Listen. Please understand that the last thing I want to do is hurt you and like I said I have nothing but the deepest sympathies for you but you have to look at this realistically. You and your wife have a very long and hard road ahead of you and at Stage 4 the long term prognosis of this isn't good. Cherish every moment you have with her and make life as good as possible for her as you can. Apply for disability benefits NOW if she qualifies (my dad did and they didn't even fight his claim) as you'll need every penny you can get.
She's going to be facing depression and anxiety and there are days she's not going to want to fight. You have to keep her motivated and as happy as possible. You have no idea how important mental health is during all of this. The good news is that she's still young and strong and don't let her give in. No matter how hard it gets and how much it pains you, you have to be strong around her and maintain a positive attitude. But no matter what you can not forget to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You're not going to be of much help to her if you're having trouble managing your own depression and lack of motivation. Go out with friends when you can. See a counselor. Find support groups. I can not stress enough how important this is.
This is something you don't want to hear but I have to tell you. Eventually down the road you two will end up having to make her health care decisions based on quality of life more so than quantity. Hopefully this will be years away but Cancer treatments can be extremely unpredictable and you have to be prepared. Take care of the Legal issues NOW. Get power of attorney and get a living will taken care of ASAP. Hopefully she will fight her way out of this but as hard as it is you have to be prepared. The last thing you want is to face major legal issues when things are at their worst. You don't necessarily have to hire a lawyer - there should be counselors where she's being treated that can help you two with all this.
I really do wish you the best of luck. I know, it's not fair. Not fair at all. Take it day by day and help her enjoy every day as much as humanly possible.
Do NOT be afraid to ask for help. There are plenty of free resources out there to help you through this but no one can read your mind. Trust me they've seen it all. Don't be afraid to ask.
Also don't hesitate to PM me. If nothing else you can vent your frustrations to me.
