Loneliness! The word alone means different things to different people, but the bottom line is, it is pure "hell" for a man my age, whom has buried two wives. At my age, if I wake up during the night, first question in my mind is, "Am I about to be beckoned home to God? Will I live to see the next sunrise? Will the Lord bless me again and let me seek the comfort of the heavens, strapped into the silver wings of some make of aircraft? Can I once again, weave in and out of the towering CB's, some as high as 30 thousand feet? Have I lost the ability to "nail" the doughnut on a tough approach? Why do I grab the B-58, which belongs to Randy, my friend, and run down to BMG, just because its down to 800 overcast and 2,000 RVR? Do I have a death wish, what with only one eye left, which I see pretty darn good with, to be doing such as that, when all I am trying to find out is "can I still do it"?
Pretty stupid when I get depressed like I am now and get to thinking about things!
Barbara is gone, passed away last year and Ole Schooter, my trusted 4 legged friend is now gone and I set here, almost midnight and afraid to go to sleep, because I am afraid that I might not wake up! Just looking at these 4 walls is enough to depress the happiest man in the world, so I guess I should just shut my eyes and trust to the Lord that I will wake once again, to, as someone one once said, "I have broke the surly bonds of earth on the wings of my silver bird, free to go where I please"!
But, each night when I do get this way, I pray to God and thank him for putting Aces High in my life 5 years ago, because there are lot of good friends in here and it does give me comfort that I can get in the game 24/7, for $14.95 cents.
It saddens me to see people "flame" the game for their own reasons!
A update on my emotional state! A week ago yesterday, a woman I love very much, broke our engagement and gave me back the ring I had given her...as the week wore on and I fell deeper and deeper into a nose dive, I knew that at my age, that was never going to be another woman in my life! Then, out of the blue today, she called, said she had made a terriable mistake and wanted her ring back!!!! Of course, I have been on cloud nine all afternoon and evening, but now I do have a real problem, I was so upset that night she gave me the ring back, I have no idea what I did with it!!! can't find it anywhere in this house or my truck....800.00 bucks down the drain, so now will have to buy another one, just hope she takes it! LOL
