Ok ok ok in all seriousness...
This little fella is the origin of my Crustacean persona...
His name is Shrimpy
Shrimpy just turned 18 years old "counting from when I got him". Yes 18 years...
For a crab, he is very intelligent, as loyal as a dog, and can actually be playful and affectionate. "Now is he just crazy"
EVERY single night when I come home from work he will wait for me in the same spots either next to my bed or computer. When I am sitting at the computer watching or playing he will come to the very corner and literally watch the screen. "Not joking" and similarly if I am eating something I usually share some with him and he will happily start eating it no questions asked. "Hermit crabs tend to retreat or withdraw in submission when you enter their space then investigate food later"
He also likes to finger-wrestle. Sometimes you can tell he wants attention and I will just put my hand in the tank and he will wrestle my finger with his forward claws... No pinching or grasping, just a little pushing around it's quite hilarious.
And just in case you didn't think my story is crazy enough, then you'll enjoy this last bit.
I had family borrow my computer one day, and I happened to be in the next room. She began to do what she needed to do then there was this LOUD sound. It sounded like a elephant. I came into the room only to find Shrimpy agressively clawing and actually charging the corner next to my computer to whom he considered a intruder... Shrimpy was literally ANGRY. He must have felt his or his master's territory was being threatened. To this day, I ponder the events of that day...
Fun fact, that is also the origin of my BWAHHH you hear on range/vox - that is the sound he made.
Hope ya enjoyed my little back-story