Constructive criticism on that commercial. Two issues
Trying to pack too much into too small of a timeframe visually for that type of ad. Everything flashes by so fast and so mixed up you cant get a look at one thing and understand whats going on before it flashes to another. a Better way of doing it in the same span of time would have been to almost follow a storyline
Example
Mission sized flight of 17's dropping bombs with the iconic puffy ack all around,a 17 gets hit and goes down, fighter escort seen alongside, enemy(various planes) swoops including a 262(people see a 262 and its "wow Cool!") in shooting at the bombers bomber goes down. Fighters go after enemy( prop driven planes). Couple quick turns and shots from the interior cockpit view the enemy fighter goes down. Parachute is seen. Cut away to the GV game. Tank fires another tank blows up. Jabbo comes in and kills tank, Flakpanzer shoots at Jabo. Jabo get torched Cut away to naval a CV with planes lifting off then attacking a CV with tracers all around. CV seen sinking, cruiser firing. In the explosion the AH logo emerges "Are you up for the challenge?"
Point 2.
Im from the northeast. Everyone talks fast here compared to the slow motion everyone else seems to speak at anywhere else I go. The speech in the commercial goes by also too fast to really grasp whats being said. The best way to compare it is to the disclaimers at the end of car dealership and pharmaceutical commercials. Ok. Not quite as bad as that but still too much too fast in too small a time frame.
Fortunately this can be easily corrected by some simple editing of the script.
Now keep in mind this is coming from someone who isnt exactly known for being a word conservative
This is how the script currently reads
"Join the action in Aces High.
The online multiplayer combat simulation that pits you against thousands of real opponents from around the world.
Fly aces high dot com is your destination for air combat and much more.
By air,land,and sea, the battle rages online 24 hours a day.
Learn the art of air combat and master the maneuvers and skills to make you an ace.
Go to fly aces high dot com for your free software download and two week trial.
Are you up for the challenge?"Now lets play with it a bit.
Omit the join the action. Simply not needed
Aces High!
Omit multilayer. Its redundant and at this point in this day an age everyone just assumes an online game is multiplayer. Besides. you basically say that in the next line. You also dont need "real" at this point "opponents from around the world" insinuates that already
The online combat simulation that pits you against thousands of opponents from around the world.
Substitute "is your destination" for "is the place to be". "the place to be" infers that is where the cool things happen over all others.
If you want to tell someone to go to a really cool bar over any others in the area. You dont say " Happy Jacks is your destination " You say "Happy Jacks is the place to be." Takes about as long to say it as "is your destination"
Aces High is the place to be. Yea man...dig it.
Fly aces high dot com is the place to be for air combat and much more.
The next line is perfect. Nice tie in to the marine hymn
By air,land,and sea, the battle rages online 24 hours a day.
The next line is ..ok the way it is.
Learn the art of air combat and master the maneuvers and skills to make you an ace.
the revised version sounds more like a challenge
Master the maneuvers and skills in the art of air combat to make you an ace.
Or
Can you master the maneuvers and skills in the art of air combat to make you an ace?
The next lines are fine as is. Only I would up the anti to one month. You get someone her for a month. You got em hooked
Go to fly aces high dot com for your free software download and one month free trial.
Are you up for the challenge?"
Now. lets look at the revised version
Aces High!
The online combat simulation that pits you against thousands of opponents from around the world.
Air,land,and sea, the battle rages online 24 hours a day.
Fly aces high dot com is the place to be for air combat and much more.
Can you master the maneuvers and skills in the art of air combat to make you an ace?
Go to fly aces high dot com for your free software download and one month free trial.
Are you up for the challenge?"Note I flipped the 2nd and 3rd lines to tie in better with the 4th
Original script is 89 words
Revised is 86
Only 3 words but it buys you a bit more time to state the message and for that message to be comprehended.
Also it states that AH isnt just a destination to go to but THE place to be. (its where the cool kids are)
It also doesnt tell you to learn ACM. It challenges you to.
Finally. Two weeks isnt enough. Its meh. It takes about a month to assimilate and get a grasp as to whats going on. Plus a month long offer gets your attention.
Two weeks of being clubbed like a seal can send folks packing. After about a week off from being frustrated people are more likely to say "Yanno what. Im not giving up that easy. Ill give it another go.
