OK WHO HAS A GOOD STORY?

[MajWoody]

She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all through the night it was honor and offer.

[jimbo71]

Back in 1986 my father, Col. Ted Masters was shot down over a radicalized middle eastern state and was held captive.  The US military did not want execute rescue mission,  so I had in to take matters into my own hands. 
With the help of my teenage friends and veteran fighter pilot Chappie Sinclair,  we managed to hack government computers, steal classified maps,  and also commandeer two F16's!  Chappie trained me well.  Man i used to drive him nuts when I would play my rock n roll music from my walkman over the vox!

Anyhoo, long story short we flew in knocking plane after plane out of the sky and blew the hell out of town of Derka Derka and Bakka Lakka Dakka air force base.  Lit up the runway with an experimental Hades rocket, forcing them no choice but to release my father.

Sure nowadays I drink cheap booze and play Aces High, but once I was an Iron Eagle! 

[NatCigg]

Back in 1986 my father, Col. Ted Masters was shot down over a radicalized middle eastern state and was held captive.  The US military did not want execute rescue mission,  so I had in to take matters into my own hands. 
With the help of my teenage friends and veteran fighter pilot Chappie Sinclair,  we managed to hack government computers, steal classified maps,  and also commandeer two F16's!  Chappie trained me well.  Man i used to drive him nuts when I would play my rock n roll music from my walkman over the vox!

Anyhoo, long story short we flew in knocking plane after plane out of the sky and blew the hell out of town of Derka Derka and Bakka Lakka Dakka air force base.  Lit up the runway with an experimental Hades rocket, forcing them no choice but to release my father.

Sure nowadays I drink cheap booze and play Aces High, but once I was an Iron Eagle! 

[Vraciu]

(Image removed from quote.)

Agreed.  IRON EAGLE is the most underrated 80s flick of all time.   A classic.   Vipers in their prime and on the ascendancy.    Can't help but love it.

[guncrasher]

I once had a girl,
or should I say she once had me...

btw talking about silat, where the f is she?



semp

[icepac]

When at camp awana, I was in charge of the "archery shack".

On the last day, a bunch of us got together and shot all the damaged arrows.

One guy decided we were wusses for not shooting a clearly very bent arrow and pulled back on a 55 pound shakesphere recurve bow all the way before he let it fly.

It did a complete loop and came back to bounce off his calf and leave big hole.

[Zimme83]

Back in 1986 my father, Col. Ted Masters was shot down over a radicalized middle eastern state and was held captive.  The US military did not want execute rescue mission,  so I had in to take matters into my own hands. 
With the help of my teenage friends and veteran fighter pilot Chappie Sinclair,  we managed to hack government computers, steal classified maps,  and also commandeer two F16's!  Chappie trained me well.  Man i used to drive him nuts when I would play my rock n roll music from my walkman over the vox!

Anyhoo, long story short we flew in knocking plane after plane out of the sky and blew the hell out of town of Derka Derka and Bakka Lakka Dakka air force base.  Lit up the runway with an experimental Hades rocket, forcing them no choice but to release my father.

Sure nowadays I drink cheap booze and play Aces High, but once I was an Iron Eagle! 

I saw the documentary. 

[Zimme83]

Agreed.  IRON EAGLE is the most underrated 80s flick of all time.   A classic.   Vipers in their prime and on the ascendancy.    Can't help but love it.

Best part is that the only thing that were able to take down a F-16 was the good ol' Bofors 40mm.

[Vraciu]

Best part is that the only thing that were able to take down a F-16 was the good ol' Bofors 40mm.

Boom! Boom! Boom!


"Climb! Climb!"


Sounds a lot like AH. 

[Tumor]

Once upon a time, there was a Princess, and a Prince.

They got married and lived happily ever after, even though they were cousins.

Then they died and were dead forever.

The end.   

[NatCigg]

there is a hell of a lot more dead people than alive people.
    -george carlin

[Oldman731]

Hemingway, or someone like him, famously responded to a challenge to write a six-word novel with something like this:  "For Sale:  Baby Shoes.  Never worn."

So along those lines we located a two-sentence horror story site (I do not pretend authorship).  This was my favorite:

"I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, 'Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.'  I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, 'Daddy, there's someone on my bed.'"

- oldman

[Meatwad]

Graham Chapman: Trouble at mill.

Carol Cleveland: Oh no - what sort of trouble?

Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

Cleveland: Pardon?

Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

Cleveland: I don't understand what you're saying.

Chapman: (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle.

Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean?

Chapman: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

(JARRING CHORD)

(The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain (Palin) enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles (Jones) has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang (Gilliam) is just Cardinal Fang)

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (Exit and exeunt)

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

(JARRING CHORD)

(The cardinals burst in)

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! (To Cardinal Biggles) I can't say it - you'll have to say it.

Biggles: What?

Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'

Biggles: (rather horrified): I couldn't do that... (Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again)

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

(JARRING CHORD)

(The cardinals enter)

Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um....

Ximinez: Expects...

Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...

Ximinez: Inquisition.

Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -

Ximinez: Our chief weapons are...

Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er...

Ximinez: Surprise...

Biggles: Surprise and --

Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ...our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.

Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'

Biggles: That's enough. (To Cleveland) Now, how do you plead?

Cleveland: We're innocent.

Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER')

Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that!

(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL ACTING')

Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- (controls himself with a supreme effort) Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the rack!

(Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger)

Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down.

(Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack)

Ximinez: Right! How do you plead?

Cleveland: Innocent.

Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack (oh dear) give the rack a turn.

(Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders)

Biggles: I....

Ximinez: (gritting his teeth) I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.

Biggles: I...

Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.

Biggles: Shall I...?

Ximinez: Oh, go on, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

(Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack)

(Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde).

Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?

Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of.

Ximinez: Ha! Then we shall make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS! (JARRING CHORD)

(Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions)

Biggles: Here they are, lord.

Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.

Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.

Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

(Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture)

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!

Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.

Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?

Biggles: Yes, lord.

Ximinez (angrily hurling away the cushions): Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

(JARRING CHORD)

(Zoom into Fang's horrified face)

Fang (terrified): The Comfy Chair?

(Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one)

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

(They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair)

Ximinez (with a cruel leer): Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. (aside, to Biggles) Is that really all it is?

Biggles: Yes, lord.

Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!

Biggles: I confess!

Ximinez: Not you!

[100Coogn]

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice.
Call her fat once and she will never forget.
That's because elephants never forget.   

Coogan

[Skyguns MKII]

My daddy owns the lake