Pilot Gripe Sheet

[Molsman]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Rino]

    That's an oldie but goodie.

     I had something similar happen to me while I was stationed at
Moody working F4s back in the 80s.

     A semi new Weapons System Officer wrote in the aircraft forms,
Radar does not work in O.F.F. mode.  Now we weapons control guys
were running a 60% Could Not Duplicate rate on silly writeups like
this, so I decided to be a wisenheimer.  I corrected the problem by
asking the next WSO to fly if the radar worked in "OFF" mode.

    After getting a strange look, he told me it was indeed turned off
when in off mode.  So I wrote in the forms "Replaced stick actuator,
Systems ops checked ok". 

     Got away with it for about 6 hours until the boss was checking
forms at shift's end and made me change it. 

P.S.  The stick "actuator" was the radar operator.

[Serenity]

    That's an oldie but goodie.

     I had something similar happen to me while I was stationed at
Moody working F4s back in the 80s.

     A semi new Weapons System Officer wrote in the aircraft forms,
Radar does not work in O.F.F. mode.  Now we weapons control guys
were running a 60% Could Not Duplicate rate on silly writeups like
this, so I decided to be a wisenheimer.  I corrected the problem by
asking the next WSO to fly if the radar worked in "OFF" mode.

    After getting a strange look, he told me it was indeed turned off
when in off mode.  So I wrote in the forms "Replaced stick actuator,
Systems ops checked ok". 

     Got away with it for about 6 hours until the boss was checking
forms at shift's end and made me change it. 

P.S.  The stick "actuator" was the radar operator.

lol shoulda let you leave it in there!

[Maverick]

Gads that one is SSOOOO old I bet Orville had a hand in writing a few of them. 

[Molsman]

figured i would share someone posted it on my facebook lol

[Puma44]

We once had an F-106 pilot fly in on a Friday for a weekend stay.  We let him park in our squadron area.  Before departing the aircraft for the weekend, he wrote it up on a red X (grounding the jet) stating "Radar broke".  When our line Chief checked the forms before going home for the weekend, he reviewed this transient jet's forms, read the write up, put them back in the jet, and went home for the weekend.  When the Six pilot came back early Monday morning expecting to blast off on his way back home, he was irritated that his "broke radar" wasn't repaired over the weekend.  Of course, we had our own flight ops going on and it was late that afternoon until a radar tech could get to his "broke" jet.

[Serenity]

We have what we call a "vegas" door. Essentially, as long as the fuel door is open, the battery is draining. More than once, flight crew have failed to ensure the door is closed after refueling, leading to a dead jet when it's time to start up and go home. Coincidentally, this seemed to happen more often on stopovers in Las Vegas than anywhere else...

[Volron]

 

[Puma44]

We have what we call a "vegas" door. Essentially, as long as the fuel door is open, the battery is draining. More than once, flight crew have failed to ensure the door is closed after refueling, leading to a dead jet when it's time to start up and go home. Coincidentally, this seemed to happen more often on stopovers in Las Vegas than anywhere else...

In the F-106, if the pilot's finger slipped off the ignition button and he repressed the button before the start sequence was finished, it would re-engage the starter, breaking the starter shaft, and bring the start to a halt.  This was referred to by Six pilots as "double clutching" the starter.  For some reason this seemed to happen at some of the more choice cross country locations since it would often take one or two days to get a new started sent in and installed.

[Rino]

      After I got out of the air force, I was working line service at Jet
Aviation Teterboro, NJ.  Across the river from Manhattan, so pretty prime
real estate.

     One day we got a transient CH-47 from Frankfurt, Germany.  They
managed to ferry it all the way across the Atlantic via Iceland until magically
the number 2 fuel filter failed.  Also they had a Cutvee pickup truck in the
back and somehow the crewchiefs girlfriend psychically got a message that
he was at the field.

     They shut the bird down, piled into the truck and overnighted in NYC.
The next day the fuel filter automagically reset and they continued down to
Kentucky.  I admire prior planning...nice vacation for a long long helicopter
ride