Hi'Tekkan Times correspondent John Wayne has the following report:
"14 days ago, during a furious air battle, the famous and much loved and adored allied pilot Hang "REDNECK" Time was seriously injured after sustaining heavy battle damage fighting an unnamed Axis pilot believed to be, on the basis of the protruding fuselage, the infamous and hated Baron Santa von GrossenArsch, most well known for his tactics of "arsch-induced accelerated gravity dives".
"It was incredible" one allied pilot said. "There we were perfectly safe when all of a sudden an odd looking 109 appeared and started doing weird bellybutton maneuvers".
Mr Redneck denies any rumours that he sustained any injuries at all and claim that a now scheduled visit to Baron Santa's proctologist is merely "coincidental".
"I never was hit. And I saw him in GOOD time. I really did. He didn't manage to surprise me or get away a single shot. And, uhm, no, I don't wanna sit down unless you have one of them rubber ring thingies".
The Knightlandian based for profit organisation Institute Of True And Honest Warstories begs to differ however.
"Zer's very gut evidence zat der <censored> rumpenshagger redneck had hees <censored> taken in zwei bits un ein large <censored> inserted between Redneck buttcheek <censored> und zat why large buttcheeks now happee!
von GrossenArsch himself had this comment:
"I don't condone violence against zose eehvl peasant loving plebeian opportunists. Unless you zink eet ist amusink, zen eet ist very gut! Und ees ist mein experience zat a screaming hangtime eest ein gut vone! HORRIDO DEM SIEGER! Der allierte schweinhunde must LEARN zat <long speech deleted due to space restraint> und ZAT eest why der kartoffelkopf has my prcotologist!"
Dr. A Nal, the wolrd famous proctologists said that "we now have another famous customer here at the Graceful Hospital for The Mentally Wounded. I think the ladies entusiasm for this handsome allied flier will be dampened somewhat when they experience the rather enlarged rectal waste disposal unit that this individual now have. On the plus side, he'll never have to worry about constipation again".
