Some stories I wrote about this game way back when

[nopoop]

Back in the day I'd smoke a blunt and write about this silly game. You may enjoy them as I find them.  I have 156 pages to go through, as I find them I'll post them up.




I've been attempting to be a "God" going on 6 years in this flightsim thingy..

Done my time training, even for awhile practicing offline to hone my skills into a "God" of flightsims..

Sorta the baddest mothr in the valley kinda thing..

As time went on, I let the practice slip...the trainers told me things I already knew..

And I settled in to just shootin stuff..

Shootin stuff is a blast, nothin better..

But in striving for "God" like status, shootin stuff falls waaaay short of the mark..

The fear of death is nonexistant...

But with the cooperation of my lovely lady, the fear of death has be brought back into the equation..

When I die she hits me with a baseball bat..

Four sorties tonight I have 2 kills, a broken jaw and 3 broken ribs..

I'll keep you posted..[/i

[nopoop]

My husband wanted me to drop you guys this note to say he's doing fine.

This morning he had his jaw wired and they gave him a rib belt to ease the pain.

This afternoon as he insisted, and I got him set up at the computer to fly.

It went well, he flew a few and I heard him say "Geez zis is gret !!"

He flew the afternoon and killed four..

Unfortunatly he has been admitted to Mt.Zion with multiple leg fractures, a severe concussion and a ruptured spleen..

He gives you all the best..

____________
Mrs. nopoop

[nopoop]

Thanks for your cards and letters, the BK wreath was awsome..

I was released today..

Met a celebrity while I was in !! Sally Struthers was being wheeled down the hall when I came out of surgery. She weighs 572 pounds now, but is as perky as ever..

But with the buildings construction, a gurney and Sally couldn’t occupy the same hallway at the same time so I missed out on a autograph..

That and the fact that she had a mouth full of glazed donuts..

I said “Hi Sally” but all she could manage was a mumble while trying to keep a mouthfull from falling out on her gown..

She does have some interesting tattoo’s though..

When I got home they brought in a hospital bed with the frames and all the pulleys, have it all set up in the den. Got that triangle thingy with one of those Jack in the Box smilely face balls stuck on it to help me move around..

They unloaded me from an ambulance. I was hopin they’d do the lights and siren like they did when I got picked up cuz that was cool..

Code three is a BLAST !!

Did bring a few things home that are neat. First, I no longer have to drink my cheap beers in a can, I have a tube that feeds them in AND, a bag that collects them when they leave.

I LIKE IT !!

I should have set somthin up like that along time ago..

Second, who can argue with a morphine drip ??

It’s gotta little button on it that says “more”

BRAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

I did have to convert to a “twisty” stick cuz of my leg..but I’m rarin to go..

Cya’s up tonight !!

My lady has been sooo supportive God love her, she can’t wait for me to fly…

[nopoop]

I’M SET UP DUDES !!!

I’m ready to go. The nurse guy came in and set my traction up, got my morphine drip setup on one side, my cheap beer bag hung up on the other..

I might add I “think” it was a guy, visual impressions of the individuals gender were kinda hazy..

Moniter at the end of the bed, with my twisty and keyboard in my lap..

My lady set up the speakers on either side of the bed, subwoofer below. She also left the sliding door open..

For two reasons..

One, it’s one beautiful night, a crystal clear moonlit evening..

The other..

Morphine gives me gas..

So needless to say I had the den to myself, except for the family cat Dougless. Dougless is an old tabby and he’s a porker..

He’d taken up residence on the bookcase since my homecoming after finding the “big dude” laying around in his turf.

He just did his “cat” thing by doing that crouch they do with eyes half closed for hours and hours on end. Dougless isn’t into the “moving” thing..

I wasn’t SURE it was the cat thing, it might have been the gas..

But I digress..

For my first flight back I decided that I would fly recon..

Timid I admit, but the flights over the last few days had made a big impression on me..

..and I wanted to “ease” my way back in..

So picking the approriate part of the map, I grabbed a Pony, cranked up the speakers and took off. Climbed to my cruise altitude..

..of twenty nine thousand feet..

Hehe, this ain’t cheese on top of my neck..

“Duh” isn’t tattoo’d on my forehead..

We’re gonna do this smart.

I'm getting back in to it now, doing lazy rolls, becoming “one” with my aircraft once again..

..and I see a dot at my 10, low..

it’s a con..

..a 109

Jeezzz it’s gotta be a G10

Ok, I got the altitude, if I fly smart, he’s mine, can’t mess around though..

In I go..

I’m closing..

Just about the time a moth seeing the light of the moniter got confused and thought it was the sun..

And landed in the geographical “center” of my moniter..

..as my lady came in and said “Hows it going honey ??”

“Fine dear” I said as I began to see my life in the “BIG PICTURE”..

I HELD THE TRIGGER DOWN PUTTING EVERY OUNCE OF LEAD INTO THAT MOTH..

And he flitted around and landed on my Jack in the Box smiley face on the triangle thingy…

…as the G10 minus a wing did lazy spirals towards earth..

BRUAHAHAHAHAHAA !!!!

The relief that flooded through my body at that moment in time cannot be conveyed..

I hit “auto” and sunk back in to my pillow to bask in the totality of it..

And hit the “more” button..

Baptism of fire, and I’d stepped up..

Coming in on final, a peace came over me that is unexpainable..

I dropped the gear, the flaps were full as I began my flare..

When out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed Dougless as he awoke from his slumber..

..and launched all 16 pounds of pork at the Jack in the Box triangle thingy..

..falling miserably short, hitting my twisty stick cord..

..unplugging it from the computer...

to the sound of footsteps coming near..

[nopoop]

Well as you can see Ammo and I talked.

I recorded it..

CLICK

"Hey Ammo whassup ??"

"Hi Nopoop, glad you had me over"

"I just dropped by because after looking at your recent performance in the arena I've come to the conclusion that you suck"

"Ah heck Ammo I know that, if I'm not mistaken you've told me that before."

"Poop, you don't understand...you REALLY suck"

"I REALLY suck ??"

"Yep"

"but..I..."

"I thought I'd been makin progress. I.."

"Nope"

"Well Jeez.."

"I know it's a hard thing to take but someone had to tell ya"

"I just felt it was my duty to be the one."

"..but I've been working really hard, why I've even.."

"Nope"

"REALLY suck ??

"Yep"

"Well hell Ammo that really blows chunks you know ??"

"Yes I understand. Living in the hurt locker is a rough road"

"But a couple of nights ago I.."

No Poop...no"

"Ok...ok..."

"..well thanks man"

"No problem Poop, anytime.."

CLICK

And with that, he tipped his hat and rode off..
..to the sound of my lady workin the heavy bag..

[nopoop]

Ten chutes shot by Sam the chute shooter.

Personally...

I'm horrified that one would actually shoot a pilot in a chute.

I couldn't do it and live with myself..

It's morally pathetic.

I'd prolly bust into tears if I shot one, and have that sick feeling in my stomach for days..

Then depression would set in, I'd stop eating and spend all my time in bed crying..

Personal hygene would go..

Health would deteriorate..

And I'd probably end up sucking on a gun barrel..

So my solution is to try to pop them before they pull the cord..

Much more rewarding..

[nopoop]

Fluid dynamics of a "good" furball
 
Ingrediants are dependent on arena density. That's why this crack smoker can't get a "good" fix in the Large map.

There self propagating but are dependent on chance. Arena density increases the "chance".

Along the lines of a tornado. The ingrediants have to be there, but the tornado might not appear. The way it's fed is similar.

Perfect example is the Isle map last week and the fur between A1 and A4.

A catogory 5 furball
All the ingrediants were present and it took place. Saw many a furball addict there that night

For some reason water increases the chances

Numbers have to be even, sliding back and forth but staying for the most part even.

What you end up with is a fluid front that fluctuates back and forth between bases. Outgoing planes at medium altitudes meet along the fluid front. PT boats below, Pickers coming in from both sides high being sucked down into it. Base takers continually come into the enemies base with altitude and drop in to base defenses. A "circulation" is created.

Those at the "front" are in the fur. Exits rearword are covered by incoming fighters. Exits to the sides can be used to regain altitude, but the "pickers" inhabit the sides.....waiting...

Getting too "deep" into the fur usually results in ones hair being set afire..... Safety is relatively close, but...being too deep causes the "pucker", the "edge", the nose print on the moniter..

Coming out the safe side with your hair on fire is the fix......

Screaming inches off the deck with tracers crossing your canopy, 3 or 4 in the bag, your hunched over the moniter on a furball high....Jeez the WEPs used up, missing a flap, the gear are gone, with an oil leak....Trying to get out...with a 51 closing, licking his chops sending presents your way..you scissor evade and a friendly makes him break off...

On final, the base takers are attacking, you come in hot, gently setting it oh so softly on it belly sliding down the runway scrambling for the clipboard to GET OUT BEFORE YOU DIE !!!

You made it

You take a breath..

Take off..

And do it again.

While some enjoy flying in a realistic manner minimizing the threat of getting killed, others thrive on setting their hair on fire..

It all depends on what is "fun" for you.

[nopoop]

If flying a plane low, slow, and perpetually engaging with the disadvantage in defiance of good prudence and logic is a measure of ones worth in AH, it must also be a measure of ones stupidity


First it is not a measure of ones worth. It is a preference. A preference that has a fairly common denominator.

Stupidity has nothing to do with it.

The common denomitator in the majority of cases is time "in game".

5 years or better from the major contributors to the threads. In some cases 10.

That's alot of flyin and dyin.

In that time, we've done it all.  Done the prudent thing, in some cases alot..

It's a work at it, then work some more, and learn.  A right of passage.  Get to the point that you have a handle on the prudent way of flying. That takes awhile, rough world out there.

I'm mediorcre but after workin it for a couple of years...at it...I did a tour that wasn't a slouch, I had a parade..

Really..

So I found I could, if I "tried" to do it.

After time it became a chore, not a passion..

No push, no mountain to climb.

Low and slow is a choice.

Low and slow is..

lets play..

"Good" low and slow is the goal.

Low and slow let's you bite off as you much as you care to.

Push.

Rinse and repeat is not in the vocabulary..

Unless your REAL good.

I'm working towards that day but not holding my breath.

It's strange that to some, furballing is rinse and repeat. It's NEVER the same.

Always having the altitude, always having the advantage, knowing how far to go in, and knowing when to leave are good things to strive for.

I did that already. I wasn't a God by any stretch of the imagination but I wasn't half bad.

Having done that, what passion do I serve by just doing it over and over.

Puuuleeze.

My goal on every sortie is to hang it out there far enough to be dead to rights for someone.. and kill him.

I don't do it often, not for the lack of opportunities, but when I do ??

When I was in WB along time ago, I was a newbie and I saw this trainer on the deck with five badguys above him, all alone. 

As I flew above watching.. he killed them all....one at a time..

That's the dog.

When I've done that ??  And do it regularly ??

I'll be done.

In the meantime, I'll be workin it.

Starting over now, its a big mountain to climb, once again..

[nopoop]

Have you ever noticed when you go out to dinner. A place where soup and salad are served before the main course..

That they bring your salad in this wittle nine inch plate piled high with stuff and a big glob of dressing on top ??

HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO TOSS IT UP ??

You can't, your reduced to pushing it around while the edges drop off on the table. If mixed well, you have more on the table then on the wittle plate.

Is there a law somewhere that prohibits resturants supplying a plate of sufficient diameter ??

Why not a bowl ??

"Would you like something with that ??"

"Yes give me a coddam big bowl so I can play with it without decorating the whole fuggin table with garbonzo beans for cripes sakes.."

AND WHAT'S WITH THE BEETS ??  I have known ONE person in my entire life that likes them. But there one is, every place I have been, right in the middle of the gob of dressing..

Is there a lobby for beets someplace ?? "I'm sorry Mr. Poop if you open a resturant you are required by law to put a slice of beet on ANY salad you serve. I'm sorry but it's a rule.."

Is there a fine if they don't  ?? Is it a Senate passed pork bill for the state with the most beets ???

"Hold the beet's" is the first thing out of my mouth after thousand island.. All though over the years it comes out more like "thousandislandholdthebeets"

Tomorrow will talk about the tiny bowls the soup comes in..

[nopoop]

Me and the wittle guys go on a venture



Off on our first ever photo shoot. I had scouted areas the week before and found a spot on a "nature" trail that me and the guys liked.

Not that it didn't come without problems. My lady doesn't have a problem with all the 1/18 scale warbirds hangin about the den. She has a P47 above the TV. She likes them, thinks they're cool. She has a problem with the wittle guys..

When the first one came in the mail a few months back I was busy putting on his wittle uniform and stuff when she walked into the kitchen..

"What are you doing ??"

"I'm putting on Leutnant Kurts uniform" I replied.

"It's a doll, your dressing dolls"

"No I'm not, this is an action figure"

"Your fifty two years old and your playing with dolls"

"This IS NOT a doll !!"

..it's an action figure

..and she just stared at me.

Well I'm no dope. As the rest of started coming in the mail I made SURE I dressed them reeeely early on the weekends before she got up. I only displayed them in my computer area. I customized them, kitbashed them..

Figured if she had her own she'd get into it. So I bought a Jason from Friday the 13th holding a bloody axe and put it on the TV staring through the hockey mask at where she sits..

..ah

Bad move.

So when it came time to scout for a photo shoot for the wittle guys her only statement was..

"Your not using my truck"

So Saturday came, I waited until the sun was right, packed up my wittle guys, my tank and my photo equipment in a nondiscript black bag and headed off in my car..

The earth people were in full force in the parking lot. I hiked to the spot that me and the guys had picked out and setup the tripod and framed the shot.

Now this is where it became dicey. My window of opportunity would be short.. With the threat of intrusion of "nature" walkers at any time I opened the bag and scanned the area.

All was clear and out they came. Got my three wittle guys set up and framed, whipped out the tank and placed it for the first multiple exposure shot. Scanning the area I was still safe, moved the tank for the second shot and heard a dog bark..

Ahh jeez..

Here comes in women dressed in L.L. Bean with her lab.. Is there a rule somewhere that if you dress in L.L. Bean you MUST have a lab and not wear makeup ??

The dog is sniffin around my tank as she arrives..

"Sammy get over here !!"

"Sorry about the dog"

"No problem" I said trying to get inbetween her and my wittle guys.

"Hey those are cute little dolls"

"They're not dolls, they're action figures"

"I still have my Barbies, what you doing ??"

"ah..I'm..doing a photo shoot for a WWII magazine"

..the dog is sniffing my tank again.

"Thats neet, do your dolls have names ??  Look Sammykins the man has cute little dolls"

"They're not dolls, they're action figures"

"Yea right. This guy is really cute, what's his name ??"

"Well....that's SS Oberstgruppenfuher George"

Long pause..

"They're German ??"

"Yes"

I see the realization slowly come over her face

NAZIS ???

It all became a haze as I saw the dog lift his leg on my tank..

[Max]

Did Mittens proofread any of this stuff?

[nopoop]

Nahhh....beer 

[Eagler]

She is right ... they are dolls lol

Eagler