I've found air refueling easier to make initial contact with the boom rather than the basket but harder to maintain that boom contact throughout a refuel. Some say there is/was a locking mechanism with the boom that would resist a certain amount of pressure making it easier to stay connected irl but not in the game.
Aircraft with the probe have a mechanical connection setup. The tip of the refueling boom has a metal ring or ridge around it. The receiver aircraft receptacle has a set of clamps that grab the boom and make a positive pressure connection, i.e. male and female (I figure most of you are already thinking along those lines). 😆 When fuel off load is complete, the receiver pilot depresses the AR disconnect button on the stick and the clamps release the boom. This is the normal method. If there’s a malfunction with the receiver’s receptacle, or other emergency situation, a manual, brute force disconnect can be made by reducing power and flying down and back to force the disconnect. Additionally, if the boomer doesn’t like what’s going on, he/she can command a disconnect from that end.
All sorts of potential for bad things to happen but, not very often.