Idiots (humor)

[Ripsnort]

Not sure if any of this is Urban Legend, but funny irregardless...

Top 8 Idiots of 2001

Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down, and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told
her that she better bring her daughter into the
Emergency room right away. Here's your sign lady. Wear
it with  pride.

Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the
747s. They were successful in getting it out of the
plane and home. When they took it for a float on the
river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them
surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was
homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign guys.
Don't get it wet, the paint might run.

Idiot # 3 - A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and
might call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to Wells Fargo.  After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.  Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was
arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in
line back at Bank of America.  Don't bother with this
guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40. Several days later, he received a letter from the
police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.  Another
sign (though this guy might be onto something worth
thinking about)!

Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After
the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a
bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I
don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and
agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the
scotch in the bag.  The robber then ran from the store
with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police
and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.  (Remind me to have more signs printed
up. Give this guy his!)

Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,
"Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.  (This guy doesn't need a sign,
he probably figured it out himself.)

Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.(Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)

Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported
that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.

[Wmaker]

ROFTLOL those were great Rip, here's one.

I'm pretty sure this is a true story. I heard it from a police officer who was invited to come to speak to our class (I was 15-16 at the time).

A group of juvenile delinquents decited to break in to a small shop in finnish countryside. Well they were first timers and it was all exiting and new to them. When things are really exiting one sometimes feels the need to take dump and this need came to one of the boys that night. That guy took a crap in the corner of the shop. Next morning police came to the crime schene to investigate what had happened. And they found that pile of crap and open wallet lying right next to it with a drivers' licence inside of course. Guy had apparently dropped the wallet from his pocket while doing his business. Well, it wasn't hard to guess who had done the break in when they found this guy's *creation* and the author's name written all over it.

I'm sure this guy got far in his life.

[capt. apathy]

"I see dumb people"